Peijun's 21st (2009)

Transiting . . .

Okay!



I've officially moved to WordPress !

Been playing with it for sometime so there're quite a number of posts but I didn't want to use it till I was sure I wanted to move. So yup!



I'd come back here occasionally with other stuff!

step up and step out for God

God blessed me with a good night's sleep last night so I'd be up for thinking today!

It's funny that when you're a leader, you encourage people to break their mould and when you're not required to lead, you forget what you've been telling others. Sometimes, it's because we feel we've gone far enough but have we? Are we really limited or are we just limiting ourselves? It's so hard to come to terms with the fact that you've lost sight of something not because you've been away from it but because you've been IN it for too long. That's really forgetting who you are. It's then that you know you've just been lolling in your own comfort zone, you've been slacking in serving.

It comes back to that sermon: you tell God you're doing so much for Him but do you realize who you're talking to? You're talking to the King who made the ULTIMATE sacrifice. ULTIMATE. That means nothing trumps it, at all. It's like getting the tiniest cut (almost invisible) on your toe and telling the guy who had to amputate both legs that you're emotionally traumatised for life. Really. Is what we're doing a very big sacrifice? Is it even a sacrifice? Nope. Just forgo the makeup, the pride, the whatever. People who don't know God, they don't know what kind of sacrifice they're comparing with. But we do. Just comparing your "sacrifice" with His sacrifice should be more than enough to make you bear with any discomfort in silence.

We have reached GP. Not General Paper. Growth Period. And we're actually complaining about it. We're complaining about bathing facilities. Complaining about opportunities that lie outside of our comfort zone. Would it hurt to rough it? I felt something big coming on, God prepared me for it. For me, if I'm organising camp, I make a point to hype it up. If I'm participating, I just wanna tone down a little, or even take the cue from those around me. God told me this camp is gonna be different. I was wondering how. Then my challenge came! I tell you, don't fool with God's timing. God showed up. I was struggling. "God what if _______, what if ______" God let me go on for quite a while, I think if I were Him, I would've either fallen asleep or cut the "what ifs" off halfway. No exact words here but He led me to realize that it's all been about me. Which what if was about God? None. He brought to mind my own prayer: "God, give me opportunities to grow, be it easy or hard, I wanna do it. I don't care about failing, my dignity would come from You because I'm only who I am because of You." You don't care right? He gave it to me but I have to fight for it. I took a deep breath. And I said let's go.

Out of my comfort zone. Who cares. Not who I usually am. Doesn't matter. I'm not leading a double-life anymore, I cannot be a leader of one group and hype it up and go to another and tune it down, that's not it. This is a time of learning for me and I'm going full steam. One needs to learn to follow before one can lead. One also needs to remember that while he is leading, he also needs to follow God. Makes no sense being somewhere where you have complete access to God and yet not reach out.

Let's go, step up and step out for God (:

the runaway granny

Wheeeeee
Mum's complaining how we don't treat our waterbeds right o.o

Something just happened, half funny half not funny.
In short, my grandma got lost!
She went on this adventure around the hospital on her own after her appointment.
She went to a toilet far far away, went for a walk after she was done and then went to sit somewhere far far away from the clinic where my aunt was anxiously waiting for her.
After half an hour of waiting for my aunt who was frantically running around looking for her, my grandma went back to the clinic and asked the nurse to help her call my aunt.
My aunt was FUMING but the rest of us thought it was kinda amusing.
All this happened at TTSH!!

Nowadays my brother and I keep using this word TECHNICALLY.
It helps us get out of certain undesirable situations.
You can feel our unity!
Every time one gets in trouble, the other one helps out by adding this word (:

Tabitha's out of Singapore Idol?!?!
I felt that last night was not about poor performance but poor choice of song.
Her two songs just didn't show off her talent enough, it was kinda hidden because those two songs were too easy.
Note to Eugene: People change man! Primary school Tabitha and 17 year old Tabitha could be different people!
Sylvia's song choices were really good, showcased her true potential!
Sezairi's song choices were clever, you could tell all the girls were swooning at his "coolness" and his "charm", that's where his votes came from.
Last night was a shock seriously, poor girl!
Then again, she's 17, she's got a long way to go...

I'm switching to Wordpress soon!!
I'm still gonna keep this because Wordpress doesn't allow certain video formats to be uploaded ):
Trying it out (:

Don't You Know

Verse 1:
I hear You calling my name
Just as my world fades to grey
As it all withers
And falls away
You say Your Word stays the same

Pre-chorus:
You say
Don't you know
You are a lamb close to my heart
Don't you know
Nothing can ever tear us apart

Chorus:
As I stretch out my hands
I feel Your breath in my bones
As I see Your love surround
I know none can ever compare
As I hope and wait
And keep the faith
I know I'll walk
And not be faint
Because You hold me up
I'll soar on wings llike eagles

Verse 2:
If I took the pieces of my life
Pieces a picture together
I'd see Your hand
Drawing me close
I'd see You right here with me

Pre-chorus

Chorus

Bridge:
I worship You
For being who You are
With every step
You take me further
I know by now
That no one loves just like You do

Chorus

Pre-chorus

it ain't the season

whoo.

1. springcleaning
- this was not optional for me but oh well. uncovered so much stuff from ages ago, dug up old journals, etc. a few years is all that makes a difference man.

2. thefall
- jialat, why did i fall on saturday during icebreakers. shoot. must've landed on the lump lah.

3. family chalet
- if i'm going to go, i'll go because i want to, not to give anybody face. it's my choice, i won't compromise on church.

4. wireless mouse
- its fun to play with seriously. i've been fooling around with it. no, not bohliao, not suaku. just appreciating the technology that got me through OP.

5. korean persimmons
- didn't know that korea produces persimmons. crunchy. different from the normal kind that i eat. not that sweet either.

take my world apart

This is exactly how I feel right now.

Lyrics | Jars Of Clay lyrics - Worlds Apart lyrics

You over me

VERSE:
Can I just say it won't happen again?
Then fall back to doing things my way
I know I waste Your second chance

PRE-CHORUS:
With every breath I take
And every move I make
Forever I'll be chasing You

CHORUS:
Caught in the war between dark and light
Storms of the heart that distort my sight
Still You are the Way, the Truth, the Life
In past and present and future times
When our two worlds collide
I choose You over me
Caught in the fight between faith and flesh
And Your world and mine begin to clash
Still You are the Way, the Truth, the Life
In past and present and future times
When our two worlds collide
I choose You over me

VERSE:
Is it enough just to ask for change?
When deep down I'm still the same
I know I have to make my choice

VERSE:
What if I just don't understand?
Struggling to leave it in Your hands
I'll wait on the beauty of Your plan

BRIDGE:
Not enough to say I love You
Love is showing I mean it too
Making my heart true to You
Life's not about me
It's about You

missingpuzzlepieces

the more i think about the things i wrote on the sun, the more i'm sure that in whatever we do, all we have to do is make a choice. to do or not to do. to be well or to not be well. from then on, it's best to stick with the right decision and trust God.

met shuen and luwei for dinner yesterday. there's a lot of topic-jumping but there's one topic we stayed on for a particularly long time. i guess i never really knew how much the past hurt. or maybe i just didn't notice cause at that point of time, i was still trying to get used to a new environment. well, at least they were honest how much it hurt. but will your way make them stop? beliefs change with God. you leave God to do the defending because you cannot defend on your own strength.

none of it scared me much, just got me thinking. that's not entirely a bad thing. it's good that you think about what you're believing in then you'll realize just how blessed you are to know the truth. it is not threatening that you being made to think because even in sermon, if all you ever did was absorb blindly, it's pretty much a waste of time. you need to think and process. and thereafter, clarify. these guys did the first 2 steps. they just didn't go to the third and jumped straight to the fourth, forming their own viewpoints on shaky ground. it's not the making you think that is intimidating but the thoughts they would put in your mind.

the more i thought about the whole situation, the more i realized that the thoughts these confused people have are not new to me. not new. meaning that i've thought about them before. i wonder if this is common, like does everybody have these thoughts from time to time? is it a phase that everyone goes through? i think the scariest thing is that i'm not over these thoughts yet. it dawned on me that i am not that strong in faith. maybe i just thought i was or came across that way. it's not very reassuring to realize that you're still on shaky ground.

through the conversation, i was thinking. but on my way back, the thoughts were just swimming around inside my head. i got that sick-to-the-stomach feeling, that sinking feeling when you know something's not right. the dumb thing is that it's not gone.

clarification: that's not to say they shouldn't have talked to me. they should've and i'm pretty glad they did or i might still not know that these thoughts were suppressed. they filled in some of the missing pieces here and there, though as it was pointed out, it's only 5%.

when you accept people, you accept their past as well. you don't treat them different. why would i use tinted lenses when the normal ones serve me better? i guess everyone has their past. the whole community has a past. and apparently it goes way deeper than i assumed. it was something that shook people. it still affects people even now, no point pretending it doesn't when it does. facades will shed in due time and the suppressed past will return. don't let the fear build, talk it out. pray about it. the greatest satisfaction they will have is not seeing your fear on the spot but seeing your fear build and corrode you from the inside. i had a long train ride home so i had all the time ever to think... i may not have all the pieces and i can't say i like having missing puzzle pieces but really, where is it my place to piece together the past? might as well spend time piecing the future.

i'll never understand the full 100%. that's for sure. because most of it is all emotions. you'll never understand unless you've felt it yourself. the feeling of something piercing is something that cannot be felt by an outsider. i can never fully comprehend that sort of pain. maybe i've experienced it before, just not in this sense.

when i heard the kind of questions that were supposed to 'make me think', 2 things:
1. how would i answer if it was thrown at me?
2. whoa, sounds like my ethics tutor.

the ethics tutor thing is random but i'm not new to these questions. i really wonder how i would answer though. this is prevention over cure. don't wait till it happens before working out your defense strategy, i learned that the hard way. i think people did the best they could, from the sound of it. they would probably have been hurting themselves but they helped pull others up.

now that i have time on my hands, i'm going to spend the time thinking, re-thinking. building the house all over again but this time, on solid rock. i have a feeling my challenge will come soon enough so i'll start now rather than be caught offguard.

we all affect each other. how someone dealt with it will affect another. not so much whether people have gotten over it or not because if someone hasn't gotten over it, it's something we work on together. just don't keep it on the inside. their greatest satisfaction will come from watching and knowing that inside the fear and doubt is rising and someone's just trying to suppress it but not overcoming it. their ultimate satisfaction will be derived when it all corrodes someone inside and someone cracks.

history is inevitable, unavoidable. but as one body in Christ, it is something that we can all overcome together, His blood unites us all, both the new and the old. show them that we're not intimidated. show them whatever their motive is, they are sorely sorely mistaken if they think they can turn us.

randoms

i have too many random thoughts i just gotta put down!



1. PW IS OFFICIALLY OVER. no more late/sleepless nights trying to get something together. no more having to deal with hopeless excuses. no more having to type and type and hope that what i'm producing makes sense. no more drafts. YESSS. but this journey in the desert world of project work didn't go un-blessed. in fact, i think i'm incredibly blessed, just that now, it's a load off my mind and i can do stuff i've been putting off for so long. i'm blessed because all i went through, the sleepless nights and hours in front of the computer paid off. i'm blessed because the whole experience taught me to stand on my own feet. i learned to count on God instead of my strength. i can look back and say i did the best i could, at the end of the day, that's what really counts.

2. i now get to do stuff i wanna do! not so much of hanging out but more of getting back to things i've put aside for some time in view of promos and chinese and pw. more of doing things that mean alot to me, so that at least i can say i made this year count. to set the record straight, i maintain that this year has been awesome. no matter what has happened. it will always be memorable and special in its own way. for sure, i'll remember this year. i've had my fair share of mess-ups and falls but i guess if there's one thing i've learnt is that nothing should hold me back from having that intimate relationship with God, that it's something i cannot compromise for anything else in the world (:

3. i have an awesome 13 person family (: you girls and guys are awesome, like seriously. i'm really blessed and i think God has shown me that more and more over the months! it's a privilege i have to grow with an amazing group of people and it's just so great to have you all in my life (:

4. the past is past, the present is passing. what matters is the future that has yet to pass and i know that any challenge that comes our way will crumble cause we have the greatest of the greatest standing for us. friends, whoever mocks and scorns and tries to tear us down, we'll stand firm. they can TRY but they'll never make it!
[2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ
they may be the best at what they do: thrashing our belief. we are from the opposing camp. doesn't matter what they can do because just by being at the other end, we will win cause God is with us (: ]

5. vanessa's coming to church!! i'm so proud of her (: she told me twice today that she wanted to pray to God. imagine my momentary speechlessness. i'm really glad for her, we seem to have talked about this for ages (months actually)! this is His plan coming into action! i wanted to give up because it's been long. as you can tell, i'm not one with much patience though i know that it'll pay off. but i'm so glad i waited! this makes it worth the wait! when this happened, i thought of all the times God called me but i refused to respond. i thought about how long He waited. you could say it was 16 years and 10 months! that's how great and patient He is, how much He loves His children. you know, i wouldn't have blamed Him for giving me nothing when i decided to come back. i know i deserve none of what i have now. i think of the prodigal son, and how his father ran to him and treated him better than before. every time i think of the prodigal son, i think that that's me, in a sense maybe worse. this guy grew up loved and had everything he could ever want. i grew up exposed to His love, in a church-going family, i've gone to sunday school ever since i can remember. that guy decided to turn. i decided i'd had enough of church. he got himself in trouble. i became somebody i wasn't. that guy finally realized he was wrong and went back, willing to be a servant and his father accepted him and gave him all he needed. i went back to the church i'd grown up in. but i didn't stay, i turned again. that's like that guy leaving twice. when i eventually went to the place i am now, i couldn't believe how foreign i felt at first. i'd grown up going to church and suddenly, i'm foreign to it. i never really realized why i'd felt foreign. all i wanted was to be able to feel Him and i did. but of course, God gave me the answer to my unasked question.

CHURCH IS NOT A PLACE, BUILDING OR STRUCTURE. A CHURCH CANNOT BE DEAD AND NOT HAVE HIS BREATH IN IT. CHURCH IS A COMMUNITY, LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE. CHURCH CULTURE BECOMES YOUR CULTURE. CHURCH LIFESTYLE BECOMES YOUR LIFESTYLE. CHURCH IS NEITHER A RESPONSIBILITY NOR A BURDEN. CHURCH IS PART OF YOUR IDENTITY.

alright, that's all! moremoremore some other time (:

Completely by Ana Laura

the secret of life is letting go
the secret of love is letting it show
in all that i do, in all that i say
right here in this moment

the power of prayer
is in a humble cry
the power of change
is in giving my life
and laying down
down at Your feet
right here in this moment

take my heart, take my soul
i surrender everything to Your control
and let all that is within lift up to You and say
i am Yours and Yours alone, completely

this journey of life is a search for truth
this journey of faith is following You
every step of the way through the joy and the pain
right here in this moment

what's change?
is it just talking?
is it just showing?
is it just understanding?
it comprises of all of the above.
change requires you to give your life.
just how many of us are willing to give that.
some say the changes we want to make are too drastic.
they're radical, they're crazy, they're ridiculous, they're not worth it.
we cannot compromise our standards in any way because these are His standards for us.
frankly, i would rather change inside out, completely, than delude myself into thinking that i'm changing.

Nissi G.A.P. 2009

wahahaha
i remember that as a kid, i used to wanna learn how to make videos and stuff like that.
so yesterday, i decided to relive my childhood dream hahaha
by using windows movie maker :P
quite fun, i've been playing around with it for 2 days and i love it (:
first attempt is less professional though but good experience!
please adjust the volume, it's a loud song!
enjoy (:


Nissi G.A.P. 2009



Song Credits: Counting Crows (Accidentally In Love)

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2Corinthians12:7-10

Father, I can take it. I trust You. Help me to move on to something greater with You. You are my strength when every other part of me is weak.

No matter how hard the fall, I will get up

Wow, it's my 100th post :O

Nothing much to blog about, results are coming in.

PW today was awesome, God came through for me!
There was so little time to pull off that presentation BUT we did it, with Him by our side.
That goes to show He's always there, whether it's a dry run or the real thing.
Each day, I pray He'll increase my faith.

It's just not enough to do what you think you can do, part of your role is to encourage others to do the same.
Because God gives you the ability to do so much more...
It is not an individual thing.
If we don't push together, then what?
We can only reach it together.

Don't think too much, that's the way!

"Prayers are for dead people, for the hopeless"
That, friends, is the joke of the year...
I wonder how that came about but I hope I have set the record straight.
Prayers are to sustain those alive and resuscitate those dead.

Have you ever tried closing your eyes
Just you and you alone in a room
And then inviting Him into the deepest part of you
And offering Him all you can
Whether you're playing the song or singing along with the music or just whispering to Him
The whole block may hear you
Or no one may hear you
Either way, He hears you
It's something I'm setting aside time for
Simply because I need Him more than ever
Simply because He deserves so much more than what I've been giving Him
It will never be enough
But it's time to stop short-changing Him
It's time to run
Straight
To
Him
Not gonna be easy
But He never said it'd be
God, I'm running straight to You, nothing else will matter


Praise You In The Storm (Casting Crowns)

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And raised me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on
If I can't find You

And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Watch as the giant falls
I'm gonna give him the blow he can't stand up from.

sweetness

okay, we start with negatives then we end with positives.
then we'll have a happy ending with more positives than negatives.
yes?
YES!
amen?
AMEN!
okay, let's DO this :P


*as you can tell, i'm just about going nuts*


-ve


#1: PW
I really hope my group doesn't have to present tomorrow. To put it mildly, we're not ready. That's MILDLY. I cannot believe this, we're the first group to start on it and the last one to finish. Correction: NOT EVEN FINISHED. I don't understand it at all. I don't know why I stayed up just to do it. I don't know why I bother. I don't know why we bother to distribute the workload when there's no point, when it always ends up being split two ways instead of four. MAJOR ANNOYANCE. MAJOR. MAJOR. I have to settle my script. But the powerpoint's not here yet. Just a gentle reminder: PRESENTATION TOMORROW. God, pleasepleaseplease help me!





+ve


#2: So how?
Well. Just got to face the giant then! I don't have a strategy planned out but rest assured, I'm not going to be the one going down. I know I'll be victorious, it's my destiny, ain't it? The training can get on your nerves but at the end of the day, it's so that you can give the Goliath in your life a knock he can never get up from. I've made enemies with negativity!


#4: Cafe Duty
Hahahaha what an experience, really enjoyed it! It's fun when you serve God (: snapple: 2.80, canned drinks: 1.00, 3 fishballs: 1.00, 3 nuggets: 1.50, 3 seaweed chicken: 1.50, 1 chicken wing: 1.20, cup corn: 1.80! whoo! I remembered wahaha, aren't you all so so SO proud of me! there were disasters, such as 'THE GREAT BUTTER THAT WOULDN'T SOFTEN" disaster, "THE GREAT BUTTER MELTING INTO LIQUID" disaster, "THE WONDERFUL MISSING COIN" disaster and "THE CORN KEEPS FLYING EVERYWHERE" disaster, just to name a few :P Well, like Pastor said, events do not determine who we are (: funfunfun!


#5: Egg Peeling
Welcome to Module 00001 - Egg Peeling.
Golden Egg Yolk Rule Number One: Do not pick salted eggs. After peeling, you won't HAVE any more eggs to eat. Most will end up split or the egg yolk will be more or less exposed. The ugly eggs will then be used for the egg sandwiches.
Golden Egg Yolk Rule Number Two: According to 'Egg Peeling for Beginners' by Ng Sze Ern, always put salt in the water when you boil the eggs so when you try to get the shell off, you don't take bits of egg with you and it becomes so ... crevice-like. So that your first perfect one is not the last egg! (like mine!)
That is it for this module! Watch this space for updates!


#6: A Guide To Ng Sze Ern Chapter 1
A lesson learnt by Timothy - It is dangerous to sit in front of Sze Ern when water is flicked at her. I think this is self-explanatory. Very high frequency. Nothing less. Shattered my eardrums too.
A lesson learnt by Alex - Don't flick water at Sze Ern, covenant of sensitivity :/


#7: A Guide To Ng Sze Ern Chapter 2
A lesson learnt by Alex - It is violating the covenant of sensitivity to sit with Sze Ern when she is eating chicken. She will tell you how the chicken died for you and make you feel so guilt-ridden.



#8: A Guide To Ng Sze Ern Chapter 3
A lesson learnt by Alex - Sze Ern is an amazing Chinese-English translator. As the saying goes: ginger, still is old the hot (:


#9: A Guide To Ng Sze Ern Chapter 4
A lesson learnt by Alex - Sze Ern is an amazing artist. The figure below shows her aptitude for art and I believe that this is evidence of her hidden talent.

in case you have no idea what it is, it is a peanut butter and jam alexwich.

that is all for now, have an amazing week ahead!

Facing The Giants

With You by Mark Willard

You have been so good to me
How can I find the words to thank You?
Healer of broken hearts and broken dreams
Lord, I will never cease to praise You.

With You, all things are possible.
Like an eagle I can soar.
With You the giants fall
They rise no more.
With You I overcome when fear and faith collide.
There’s nothing I can’t do
Anything is possible with You.

I am constantly amazed
You are a God forever faithful.
As I look back on my history of grace,how could I be anything but grateful?

No mountain is too high, there’s no valley that’s too deep
You’re calling me to walk by faith so I will take a
Leap...take a Leap

Anything, anything is possible with You
With You
It’s possible with You.

This song really spoke to me when I was watching 'Facing The Giants' with my brother. God is just so amazing, I look at all He's done and I cannot help but be in awe.
The only reason I'm not inadequate is because of Him.

promises

ah~~~
may not be able to go for the Philippines OCIP ):
and i just lost my report.
oh well.

when you no longer need to run the race, at least for the time being, the next best thing you can do is to push others to run their race, and you do your best to help them wherever you can.
we would take initiative to help a friend, why wouldn't we take the initiative to help the people whom we say we love.
it is true that sin once resulted in dysfunctional relationships, but that's never an excuse.
the past can never be our excuse.
we must remember our past so that we remember how we came to be the people we are today.

tsk, how could i have been so ridiculously careless
something starts off cool
people laugh at it, fool around
you get into it and it becomes a joke to you too
then you internalize the joke
then that's no longer cool
whether you come clean moments later, hours later, days later, years later
it doesn't change what it was from the beginning
the subconscious reliving of it day by day shows addiction

it never hit me hard till you said it
there were hints thrown
just goes to show that i gotta take it more seriously
attach more importance to it
its not about feeling bad or not (but of course, that is what happened)
ironically, what i treasured about what was happening was the trust that came with honesty
saying i'm sorry doesn't mend the damage
it is only the stepping stone
stopping there will not get us anywhere
i'll set out to make things right

i know i'm tired of it
its become to me like what cocaine is to a cocaine addict
time to quit
no starting whenever i feel like it
it started the minute i said forgive me
from then on, it's about damage control

i'll never forget the hurt it can bring
it really isn't enough to treat the people you love like the way you treat yourself
because they really deserve so much more

a promise is a promise
the promise is not promising i'll change
the promise is actually going about changing

time to start doing something

Proverbs 22:28 - Do not remove an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers (NIV)

Boundaries bring security.
Boundaries create freedom.
Boundaries provide direction.
Boundaries allow you to explore and establish your identity.
Boundaries generate purpose.

That was from "Dating Delilah" by Judah Smith

Yes, this is what we need to know. It gives us the space to develop as a family. When you do God's will even in the tiny things, it allows you the room to grow more than ever. It may not exactly be a boundary. But if you feel its a boundary, this is the way to look at it. As something that will point out areas of growth to you.

I heard at the ORPC sermon that one of the purposes a law serves is to point out where sin is in our lives. I think it has served that purpose, it points out where we need to improve on. It's actually rather obvious to all of us, we just don't wanna admit it. If we don't do this, these will always be ideals we lay down and hope and pray for but they can never be reality without the right attitude. Everything is based on the heart.

More and more, I am convinced of the importance of Saturday. Thank You for answering my prayer and actually showing me things that help me to finally understand its importance. That's cool (:

yeaaaaaa promos are over (:
awesome awesome, God's blessed me so much!
i feel that this exam, i did walk with Him through it so that's cool (:
let's have a "examination de-brief"!

okay when i mean passing, i'm not talking about an S grade but a D grade. that's my standard pass 'cause its actually 50 to 54 marks. that should not be that hard to get, really.

GP: i hope what i did for the composition was enough! lots of people found the compre difficult but i found it alright... my last grade was a C, should be able to maintain or move up to a B!

Chemistry: i love the MCQ part cause i could do it! my last MCQ was so bad, this one i'm so confident of passing. my last grade for this was a U, that's actually the lowest grade you can get. not good obviously. but well, i'm confident i will pass!

Economics: well, i love the case study part 'cause i could answer everything. essay was rushed but i hope to pass! last grade for econs was a U ): this time it should be at least a D!

Math: well, it's the only one i did well in with a B for midyears (: i'll bet i can do that again, maybe even get an A (:

Chinese: yessss, i should get a B for this one!

ELL: hmm. uhh. well. i got an E the last time so i'm hoping to move up from there. i think the adaptation portion went well so i should get a D or a C!

okay, that's the exam de-brief. actually, now that i look at it, the 4h2s thing may be outttt. 'cause supposed to get a C average across the 4h2s. well, but i know i did my best. under normal circumstances, meaning 3h2s and 1h1, i would've been able to pass on to j2 with the predicted results. but really, i've never worked so hard for exams. i cannot believe all the things i did for chem and econs. much more than i did for O levels.
nvm. over. don't wanna think about it. focus on my post-exam mission (:
let's just wait for 27th october kay.
i've never been very keen on telling people whether i did well or not.
just don't like talking about it haha.
i'll just smile and said i did okay or not okay.
not that grades aren't important to me, i just like to do what i have to and know that i did what i could.
results are another thing.
huh, i bet i know who'll be super frantic the night before hahaha.
nvm, 27th october :P

My Second Chance

Take my hands and my feet
Guide them in Your every way
That their work
May glorify Your Name

I just need Your touch
More than words can express
Crying out to You, Lord
I pray I will be Yours forever

Might have fallen short
Tried to fight a war, still stumbling in defeat
But all that’s gonna change
Might have had a past
Walked a broken road, been covered in debris
I know that’s gonna change

Take my soul and my spirit
Give me strength through every day
That I may fulfill
Your plan for me

Take my heart and my mind
Make me pure in every thought
That I may stay
On the path You made

Take all I am and what I have
Draw me close and not let go
That I will know
I am Yours each day

I just need Your touch
More than words can express
Crying out to You, Lord
I pray I will be Yours forever

Might have fallen short
Tried to fight a war, still stumbling in defeat
But all that’s gonna change
Might have had a past
Walked a broken road, been covered in debris
I know that’s gonna change

‘Cause I am washed by blood that’s unseen
You took the place that was meant for me
You paid the price
For a second chance
And there was a body broken for me
You credited worth to undeserving me
You sacrificed
For my second chance

written by Him, I just type it out
seems like I wrote it, but it's all Him
give Him the glory
'cause it is written by God to help us with worship

>> typed this one out while I was relaxing and celebrating the almost-end-of-promos. will work on a tune for this one, definitely. at first I thought it seemed too much like a song for new Christians. then I realised, all of us do need to remember this: how we are here at all. when we forget that, we forget who we are. we all need to be reminded of this at some point of time. we need to remember how important that sacrifice He made is and know the sacrecy of the covenant we take as well as make. how appropriate that this should come as Nissi G.A.P. signs the covenant on Saturday! as brothers and sisters, this sacrifice is all the more sacred. this is what makes us brothers and sisters in the first place, bonded as a body in Christ by His blood. our covenant is important and should not be just a piece of paper to any of us. this covenant, in fact, represents the essence of having a cellgroup, it ties in with our very identity. we are His children, we are a family brought together by Him. i really pray we will treasure this covenant. maybe, to some, the importance of the covenant is overrated. but, really, it is a choice how much importance you want to attach to it. God attached so much importance to covenants in the Bible. He treasured promises made and that's why He tried to keep His promises. He knew covenants meant nothing if they were not honoured. but He didn't dictate how important it must be to us. how do we view this covenant? is this a contract that lasts for a time period? or a promise we want to keep renewing, that will last a lifetime? let's treasure this promise made! it is our identity. now it is our prerogative to align our activity with our identity. the activity has two components: physical and mental. mental comes before physical; our attitude towards it has to be right before we can sign it on paper and in our hearts, before it can truly be meaningful. you can only truly sign it if you know what it means to you. this covenant is a direct promise to God that your relationship with your brother or sister means something to you, that you will love this brother or sister. why is it direct? back to the whole point of me typing this. it is direct because it is Him who links you and this person. blood is thicker than water. we all know that and treat it like a fact. but is this blood that links us thicker than ourselves? is it bigger than we are? my view is that it is. to me, if you believe He is greater than you, so is His blood. it is greater than how cool others think it is. in any case, how cool it is still boils down to the importance you place on it. actions speak a thousand words, if the person who carries it out really means it. are you committed to your identity in Him, committed enough to sign on and keep it? remember that this identity comes with being bonded by His blood to your family, in my case, Nissi G.A.P.. i think that this bondage with my identity is not a burden, it is not the kind of bondage that wears you down. it is these relationships that have helped me to grow. every bit of it is important to me and that is why the covenant is important to me.

(yes, I am done with this essay, which I just realised is so much longer than the actual song haha)

essays, ionic equilibria and market failure

yeaaaaaaaaaa.
promos half over!!!!
this is called rejoicing too early.
but still, achievement: i've never mugged so hard in my life for chem and econs.
*standing ovation for alex!*
three more to go: math, chinese and linguistics
then as Amanda Thian would say: I'M FREEEEEEEE!
well, not completely but yeap, freedom in the short run is better than no freedom.
in fact, i'm getting so "into" studying that i might just continue studying even after promos.
need to keep going or my gears will get harder to start up.
like that Strepsils advertisement.
except that it's gonna take more than Strepsils to help me pick up the pace.
and after promos, i need to go full force for I&R and OP (PW stuff, if you don't know about this, that's the best, stay that way, trust me you don't wanna know)
i just realised that if a certain big thing still exists, i'll be coping with that too.
i predict that Amanda will be swamped then.
i pray it won't happen.
but i wouldn't have to worry so much if some people did what they were supposed to do :/
it's a bit too late for apologies and regrets, i really don't care what just happened.
you will not throw me offtrack thinking about how pissed off i was with the two of you.

STUFF #1: MY PROMOS
monday was GP --- i got to base my essay on saturday's sermon!
how cool is that!
hope it works out!
wednesday was chem --- everybody walked out so dazed after the paper.
in CJC, there is a joke.
when somebody thinks they're gonna fail promos, the person probably says:
HEY SOMEBODY BETTER BE MY FACILITATOR NEXT YEAR.
that is code for: i will be participating in next year's J1 orientation!
well.
for me, someone who does not do exceptionally well for chem, it was all right.
not too bad.
i think i tried my best, i just hope it's enough.
today was econs --- it went better than i expected.
i'm totally stunned that i managed to finish and that i managed to recall so much.
whatever i couldn't recall, i smoked my way through.
i think i managed to smoke adequately.
passing shouldn't be a problem for promos anymore.
i think what i'm worried about is if it's enough to let me keep my combination.
okay, enough thought, it would be more allocative efficient to channel my brain cells towards actual studying.

STUFF #2: MY INJURY COUNTER
blogs have blog counters.
alex has an alex counter.
don't panic, it's not to count how many alexes there are or can be.
it's to count the number of injuries i have.
total count for this week is 3: 2 cuts on the leg and a swollen palm.
all considered minor as compared to past experiences.
these statistics are also slightly better than the past.
i wonder if this injury thing is recurrent every month.
pastor has his accident prone-ness once every 10 years.
my accident prone-ness comes once every month.
still, i've learnt through trial and error that my injuries usually save me from something.
they are dubbed by my dear Peijun as my "God-given injuries".
oh i should also count the number of potential injuries i could've gotten.
this one is better, only 1 so far.
brace yourself.
i nearly fell down the stairs again.
THANK GOD THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
how do i do it?
i dunno, it kinda just happens.
i try not to let it happen too often, only on special occasions :P

okay, that's it for me

Through The Storm

Seems like the waves keep coming
Seems like my world is falling
Still there is strength to keep going
And I know You are here

Even as the waves crash down
I'll call out through the storm

Father I need You
More with every moment to pass
Just hold me tight till it's over
Please carry me through the storm

Each wave just seems bigger
With every step I feel weaker
Yet there is faith to keep going
I know You are here

Each wave brings something new
Each day I'm drawing closer to You
Your Spirit surrounds every part of me
I know You're right here

All this heart was made to do

This is what God gave me for a friend on Friday afternoon.
I look at what I have and I know that I don't deserve this honour.
Yet, I'm aware it was totally His will and timing on my side so I just went with God.

"Faith is something all of us can have, just a matter of who you place your faith in (: A lot of times, it is about directing your faith from something physical to something spiritual. Everyone has faith and everyone has more than enough chances to make that faith count (: Remember when you said you needed the 'enlightenment' I have? There're an endless number of enlightenments (: I can tell you that just by knowing God exists is the 1st enlightenment so you've got it! This journey is like crossing a bridge. You just need to decide to start crossing a bridge and thereafter, it's about how to keep walking (: There're people who say they're crossing but they're just saying, not moving. That was my problem... I didn't actually accept the invitation and step onto the bridge till early this year though I'd been saying I was on the bridge for 16 plus years. But I learnt that each time you approach this bridge, you're actually ready to cross it but if you feel you're not ready, there's something beautiful: there's only one bridge but somehow you'll keep coming back to that bridge. Opportunities are endless(: You'll never know where's the end of the bridge and whether to keep walking when some planks of the bridge start falling out and that's where your faith comes in (:"

How can that be from me? It's not, it's from God.
I really pray this friend can join Nissi G.A.P. soon!

PROMOS - every J1 student's nightmare!!
I really want to push for good grades, grades that at least allow me to move up to J2 and keep my combination :/
Now that PW is momentarily out of the way, I'm racing against time to prepare.
Probably gonna stay off Blogger till everything's over.
Unless I have something absolutely awesome to share (:

I will give up what means most just so You would mean more.
Father, help me by giving me that 100% faith, I need it more than ever.
Father, help me to understand and bear with it.
I know the time will come.
Just like today's speaker said: she knew the time would come, she just didn't know when.
I pray that till then, You'll keep my heart pure.
Father, my heart was made to worship You.
Take this heart captive, Lord, and make it Yours...


Burn - Cornerstone

Jesus, You are my everything
I am amazed by the love that You've shown

At the cross
All my sins have been washed
I will embrace this love You've given me
To please this heart of Yours

And I fall into You
Empty my all, I'll run to You

Purge away my sins
Make me whole again
Burn within my heart
A passion for Your name
Cleanse me of my faults
Make me pure within
Deep inside my heart
Renew the fire again
Burn me in the fire

He is God, totally undeniable (:

Revolve - Desperation Band

I was lost but now I'm found
And my world revolves around You
I was far away and now
My world revolves around You

Jesus, my world without an end
No mind can comprehend
Though I keep trying
Jesus, my faith has found Your love
My hope has found it's trust
My heart will beat the sound
My world revolves around

Though the sky should touch the ground
My world revolves around You
I surrender, You surround
When my world revolves around You

Now my eyes are fixed on You
And I can't look away
Cause all this heart was made to do
Is to offer highest praise
My praise, praise, my praise

Yes, I don't want to look away.
I could choose to give up and let it all be like that.
But it can't, if I want the same for them, I cannot just be a placid spectator.
I have to fan the flames cause that is the responsibility I've been given.
Anyone can condemn me for trying, for standing.
But I know what I'm giving up if I choose to back down and not stand firm.
It ain't worth it, I can stand cause I know who I'm fighting for.
And He's worth fighting for.

This week:
- Talked to Amanda about faith. It was good! She explained some aspects of the Catholic faith to me and well, there's a lot of food for thought there. It's interesting to hear what it's about, how it comes about, why it's so. After sharing, Holy Communion became more sacred to me. I learnt a lot from her(: A Christian and a Catholic, same amazing God.
- Prayed for Vanessa. She was so stressed! Well, we all are. I know it's hard to trust sometimes, but the harder it is, the more imperative it is to trust.
- Attended Nissi G.A.P.'s first wedding! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHUEN&VICTOR! HAHA. I will get those photos up here soon! The jingcha ceremony and all! This wedding was impromptu BUT well-coordinated by God LOL, totally unplanned by us. Awesome celebration, thank God(: Totally love my family (: so blessed to have all of you!! was a little stressed but you guys&girls made me so totally happy haha! LET'S BE ON FIRE FOR GOD!
- I love my mum,dad and brother. It didn't work out this time. We'll try again next time. I know how it's like and I want the same for all of you too... It will work out next time, I believe, I trust, I know (:

God, give me the strength to go on.
I pray that what You've given me, You'll bless my family with as well.
God, I pray for my brothers' and sisters' families.
God, I pray those who don't know You will come to know You.
I pray those that haven't acknowledged You will give themselves to You.
I pray that those who are firmly rooted in You will continue to have an evergrowing relationship with You.
God, I thank You for everyone in my life and I pray that Your fire within us won't die out, that Your flames out there will continue to burn for You.
Thank You Lord, for being my God, my Father
Amen.

Every Little Thing We Do

Rome was not built in a day. Each and every part of Rome had to be built from scratch, from bricks and stone. Do not belittle these bricks and stones. All these small parts build up into something big. Same thing with our relationship with God. Small things matter and God does see the little details we put in. Whatever we do, so long as it is for Him, it is all pleasing in His sight! That is how great He is...
Doesn't everyone start out small? I find that a lot of us start out so eager to please God that even in the small things, we try our very best to seek His favour. That is being on fire for God. It is not about doing incredibly great things for God all the time. It is good to go back and look at how you've been handling the details, the "minor" not-so-great things.
Something small and seemingly insignificant like SF and Bible Reading matters to God. SF is service feedback, something new to me at first. Had no idea what was really the reason for having it but God revealed last night the importance of SF. SF may seem like a chore, but it is a privilege. You share what God spoke to you and sharing goes such a long way. You become more appreciative of what God is doing for you and simultaneously, you encourage others. It is like the Marianne Williamson quote: you give others permission to shine when you shine. This is a small area to shine in but shouldn't we seize every opportunity to shine for God? I mean, if He means that much to us, we would seize every opportunity right?
Again, I don't really want to say this because it's like kind of a downer but I think not saying will be worse :/ I think attitudes need to change towards these "small" things. We overlook their importance and indirectly diminish how God can communicate to us through these things. Attitudes are contagious. Nobody seems to care therefore nobody does it unless reminded and pushed. Sometimes, it is against our will but subconsciously, we do succumb to it cos we're usually totally unaware.
A question popped into my head last night when I got the usual message reminding the cell to send SF. I surprised myself by actually thinking "oh, it's the USUAL message." Why is it part of the routine? Why do we have to be reminded? We shouldn't have to be. If it meant something to us, we would do it. Precisely because its importance has been diminished in minds and therefore, it is cast aside until Peijun faithfully reminds us to send it in. Yes, humans need to be reminded from time to time but not all the time. I think it is a sign that things need to change. Perhaps change is already beginning. If it means a lot to us, we will make an effort to remember.
If I recall correctly, it was explained to me that we were given "thinking time" instead of having to spend time during cellgroup to do SF. I fully agree that we need "thinking time" but that too is a privilege. There is no use just getting it over and done with but this privilege is something we cannot take for granted.
Change is definitely happening but is it happening at the rate it can and should be? It is like studying. With God, the poor student does well and the good student does better. Maybe people just like the way things are and see no need to change? Or perhaps they see the need to change but they don't change because they believe that's the way things are and it's just like that and cannot be changed? Cellgroup culture? Someone told me to stop believing that things are just like that and will stay like that. God said that too, that's why we started praying against stagnancy. Change begins with us. Cultures can change and I believe that we can do better, really.
We start small because without the small pieces, there would be no big picture at all. We are God's children. If this is our attitude towards small things, when can we ever progress to do great things for God? Our relationship with God has its levels. We will always be at the same level if we keep taking the same thing God gives us and do a half-baked job. Small things do produce result over time if we put in effort.
Being on fire for God is doing everything to the best of your ability for Him.
We are the deciding factor in this because God has given each of us a choice!
What is beyond us? Think about that!
You know, God says NOTHING is beyond us because He is with us.
Nothing is beyond us, let's keep pushing for the plan we know He has for us!

God, You know my prayer.
You stirred something in me, told me what to say here.
You caused a disturbance in me, telling me to be appreciative and thankful for change but also to not start to fall back to complacency.
God, it is no use being on fire for You when we are blind to our weaknesses.
I pray that You open our eyes to see more and to really be on fire for You.
Not for just a moment and allow it to flicker away but Lord, we want it to burn strong every minute.
God I pray for hunger.
I pray we will not be satisfied with where we are as a cellgroup.
I pray we take it to the next level with You.
I pray that we push for change that is for our own good.
God we do not want to wait till it is too late.
We want to treasure what we have right here and now.
I pray that we will really truly work towards being the family that You have given us the opportunity to be.
God I thank You for Nissi G.A.P. and I know that with Your help, we will grow so much more.
Thank You for letting me see!
Thank You also for letting me know that I am Yours forever, I have Your seal.
I thank You for being my God!

here we go

To Be Your Child


I don't worry what will come next

What the world throws at me now

You are above the weight of the world

You broke the yoke from my shoulders


I know how it feels all over again

To stand a child of Yours everyday

To hear Your voice through the pain

To be held in Your arms today

Lord each day will be Your day

I will light Your fire through the rain


I don't worry what is written in my book

What happens on every new page

I know with every step I take

I still have Your promise to claim


I know how it feels all over again

To stand a child of Yours everyday

To hear Your voice through the pain

To be held in Your arms today

Lord each day will be Your day

I will light Your fire through the rain


Your promise I remember

You will be here forever

There is something

To live for every moment

It is so good to be Your child


The Fire


Feeling Your power rise up

From the depths of my soul

To hear Your voice call out

I rise up

Lord stir it up in my soul


Seeing Your light spread out

As far as my eyes can go

To feel Your reviving touch

I pray hard

My passion will be You


Cos You are worthy

Of all the praise and glory


Let the fire burn hotter

Let the fire burn higher

Let the fire burn deeper, stronger

Lord we're burning up for You

Let the fire spread further

Let the fire grow greater

Let the fire burn deeper, stronger

Lord we're on fire for You


Nothing will stop me now

Passion of fire burning within

My Spirit is ignited

Nothing will quash this flame



We are burning up for You

We are all on fire for You

We are all for You

change

God's given me an awesome week (:

I can't say I wasn't scared.
That'd be a lie.
What I can say is that I had His peace.
That's the only reason why I didn't totally freak out.
I was relatively calm...because He was there.
It is an experience I won't forget.
Not that the whole thing was traumatic for me.
But I'll remember it because He was there with me all along.
I don't need to see it, I felt it.
Amidst the noise echoing around me, I felt His presence.
Thank You, You answered my prayers.

I was kind of shocked to hear what you said.
I somehow expected it yet somehow it threw me offguard.
Now I know why your messages were so weird hahah.
I'm thankful to have you, my dear brother(:
And I thank God so much for you.
I think you've changed me more than you know.
You don't say much like most teenage guys but you show your care and I miss that.
Seems like we hardly ever talk.
We've each got our own stuff and even though you're busy, you've still shown so much concern.
Thanks, you're so sweet!

Yay, I love my sisters too(: you girls are awesome!
Thankyou so much for your prayers and encouragement, totally feel God's love through you girls!
Lol, being the youngest has its advantages, people.
When you have incredible people who dote on you!
And when all 4 have experience as older sisters haha.
Example: Szern holding my hand and crossing the road.
Absolutely no idea why though.
My friend ever said that I go to church to get doted on but that is SO not true.
I mean, yeah sure I get doted on (I take care of them too kay!) but that's not the point.
I remember when Bel first brought me to COSBT that I had no idea what was a cellgroup.
I didn't really wanna go, I vaguely remember protesting but Bel just gave me her AUNT look so I went.
But I think that that was something that played an essential role in my growth.
I mean Glory was cool for what it was (and still is) as a church.
But the style is different.
There you have growth but it is very individualistic.
From my point of view.
I've been at Glory for a little less than 16 years.
Not exactly 16 cos I found out recently that I actually went to another church when I was very very young!
Anyways, it's been about knowledge.
It was hard to find youth with passion.
For years, church was about just going for me, nothing more than that.
I guess Glory's style is fine, there are people growing.
But that was just not the place for me.
I'm very thankful though for the knowledge from Glory.
Yes, I did pay attention to the parts I found interesting and I still have the Bible Study notes from last time.
I should read through those more often...
Anyway, then when I met people on fire for God, it was hard not to stay.
So I just stayed (:
I think that it's the best decision ever and I have to thank God for the option, the perseverance to follow through with my decision and the people who've been so supportive the whole way.
Nissi G.A.P. is awesome and we're gonna be on fire for God together!
Yes, I agree that I've seen a lot of change, inside and outside.
And I know that there are lots more to come!
I'm so blessed!
Those who've known me for awhile would see the change!
I think I'm more talkative now :x
Well, I used to talk more crap than sense but it's more even now :P
I'm very open to the few close to me and I think I'm actually happier, more relaxed.
Can rmb those times I was so stressed!
Hahah so much better now.
Thank God for change and people who helped start the change.
Small changes can change the big picture (:
It did for me.
It's hard to find chemistry that 13 other people share and people do ask why it is so.
Hahah, I guess it's a family thing (:
A family with God as the authority will go far and that's the plan :D

God, thank You for the love shown by You through various important people in my life.
Thank You for changes in cellgroup.
Thank You for setting us on fire for You.
God I thank You for the people in my life who've helped to start the change in me and are still encouraging me through.
I pray that the bonds between all of us will be stronger than ever as we make You the foundation of this family.
God my prayer is still the same for her.
I pray she will not let up, I pray that You stir it up in her family.
God let her life speak Your word, let her be the one to spark change in her family.
I pray that day by day, things will start to change for her family as it is slowly changing for mine.
God let that life-changing experience be felt by them as well!
I want to thank You for everything You've given me: big or small, "bad" or great, I know You're here.
Thank You for being my God!

Worlds Apart - Jars Of Clay

Worlds Apart - Jars Of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this

Somehow it all adds up the same

Soaring on the wings of selfish pride

I flew too high and like Icarus I collide

With a world I try so hard to leave behind

To rid myself of all but love

To give and die

To turn away and not become

Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves

More deeply than the oceans,more abundant than the tears

Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice

Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - I am on my knees

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone

Amongst remains of a life I should not own

It takes all I am to believe

In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?

All I am for all you are

Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross

Forgetting what my life has cost

And wipe away the crimson stains

And dull the nails that still remain

More and more I need you now

I owe you more each passing hour

The battle between grace and pride

I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain

And wash the feet and cleanse my pride

Take the selfish, take the weak

And all the things I cannot hide

Take the beauty, take my tears

The sin-soaked heart and make it yours

Take my world all apart

Take it now, take it now

And serve the ones that I despise

Speak the words I can't deny

Watch the world I used to love

Fall to dust and thrown away

I look beyond the empty cross

Forgetting what my life has cost

So wipe away the crimson stains

And dull the nails that still remain

So steal my heart and take the pain

Take the selfish, take the weak

And all the things I cannot hide

Take the beauty, take my tears

Take my world apart, take my world apart

I pray, I pray, I pray

Take my world apart

break it down (:

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
>>To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Amen! To keep us from sliding, God allows us to have weaknesses. But this is what saves us. More about this later.
Our weaknesses make us in need for God to fill up the missing bits. Not that we have done anything to deserve it. That's why it's called grace because it's something we didn't deserve but got anyway, on top of mercy.
When you realize that God will take care of it, you're not afraid to admit your shortcomings because you know that the exposure will cause you to rely on God and others around you will realize that it was not you but God.
Delighting in the training isn't easy but because to meet the requirements of the training, you need God so you lean on Him more. You get closer to Him so you delight in challenges because you know it is an opportunity to grow more in Him. And through it all, you grow stronger in Him.
Challenges do not equal to defeat, challenges equal to growth.

Weaknesses can come in so many different forms. For me, it was the injury. Not that the injury itself completely hampered me in any way but it became my weak point that Satan's messenger NEGATIVITY would attack on. But now that I have new perspective on this, I realize that it saved me really. If I had not had this injury restricting my mobility in a sense, 2 things could have happened.
#1: I could have become more rebellious, more determined to stay out late.
>Because I could no longer stay out late due to the constant pain, I was forced to stay home or go home early. Who knows how I would've turned out. God knew. I believe that is why He restrained me, He knew I would not be able to handle it then. I might've told Him I was but He knew me better. He loved me too much to take chances.
#2: I could have hurt myself worse than I already have.
>This thing has slowed me down a lot and it's really been for the better. Now I know my limits, meaning that I know how far to push at the right time. That's important because He knows when I'm ready and when I'm not. I also started to rely more on His Spirit and I'm beginning to see change. Change that will spread (:

Surrender - PlanetShakers
Verse 1:
All that I am, is Yours
All that I have, is Yours
I give You my heart and soul
Lord I’m Yours
Verse 2:
Lord every day, is Yours
Lord every breath, is Yours
I’m giving my life to You
Lord I’m Yours
Pre-chorus:
You alone are worthy of all praise
You alone are worthy of all praise
Chorus:
I surrender all to You
I surrender all to You
I am nothing without You
Jesus Christ, take my life
It’s all for You

I will give up what means most just so He would mean more

God said YES, who are you to say no?

THANK YOU GOD FOR SETTING ME ON FIRE AGAIN.

I cannot express how excited I am right now.
God showed me the amazing plan He has for me!
See, in November, I will be going overseas to the Philippines on OCIP with my class.
I was wondering why God didn't make it such that I could go for mission trips.
I was pretty disappointed because for the first time in my life, I felt that I was ready to go.
I asked God why.
He responded and I cannot help but practically SHOUT my praise for Him.
When people go on mission trips, they face language barriers, barriers placed by governments and the barrier that people have no background knowledge of God.
But on this mission trip, God has lowered the barriers for me!!
We are going to a Christian Brothers' School I think.
So they have a Christian education - background knowledge of God is there.
In a Christian school - free to evangelise, if only you are bold.
I think there's even going to be an interpreter so language barriers lowered.
HOW AMAZING IS THAT.
THANK GOD, SERIOUSLY, THANK GOD.
I was really very excited because the more I thought about the possibility, the more passionate I felt for God.
I was pretty ecstatic and when I got home, my mum saw how happy I looked and she asked me to share why I was so happy.
Somehow, God gave me the courage to share that He spoke and to share my experience of being on fire.
Then....my mum shared HER experience!
And she said she was happy for me and encouraged me to keep going!
I tell you, the high is still here in me, I'm really just so excited!
Then I told my dad that I spoke to my mum and something prompted me to tell him what I wanted for my family.
That I wanted this same experience, this burning up for God to be theirs as well.
My dad encouraged me to pray for them!
I was really going WOW.
Then I went online and spoke to 2 friends and shared with them.
One of them, a non-Christian, asked me to pray for her!
I was so happy and just really thankful that God allowed me to speak to her!
Even now, I feel the strong passion coming up, stronger than when I first stepped into church!
I've really felt God's presence, really truly definitely!!!
And Saturday's sermon was really very defining for me.
I have this habit of brushing aside the importance of prayer even as I tell friends how important prayer is.
But sermon was so good, it shook me awake.
Prayer is totally important and it is a PRIVILEGE.
I'm so thankful that i can have direct access to God!!!
God, You are amazing, so truly wonderful.
Grace and mercy are words I have taken for granted.
Thank you Peijun, God spoke to me through you!
MERCY - NOT RECEIVING SOMETHING YOU SHOULD HAVE RECEIVED
GRACE - RECEIVING SOMETHING YOU DO NOT DESERVE
It totally woke me up, it's time I showed reverance for God.
It is time to get serious about everything.
I forgot to say earlier: I was in pain through out the sharing period, the whole time.
God told me I had a choice: to do His will no matter what and to just succumb.
He asked if I was going to give up.
My body said GIVE UP, IT HURTS.
My mind said ITS NOT WORTH IT, THERE'LL BE OTHER CHANCES, THINK LOGICALLY
But the Holy Spirit said KEEP GOING.
I pushed, not knowing what to really expect.
AND GOD SAID YES.
When everyone else says NO, God says YES
When everything else tells you it is not possible, God says YES
When you are willing and your heart wants to do it for Him, God says YES
I think I've been trusting my body too much, to the extent that I allow it to control how far I can go
NOT ANYMORE.
I trust God.
YES YES AND YES

God, You are amazing, You are so faithful!
God, You've been hearing my prayers all along.
I've been asking You to heal me.
You've shown me that for You to do Your work, I have to do my part too.
I asked You to help me to trust.
You asked me to let go.
I asked you what to let go of.
You told me to let go of idols.
I told You there were no idols.
But You showed me that my idol was fear.
Thank You Lord, You are truly my source of strength.
I prayed that should my family be ready one day, I want to be ready too
You told me that the time is NOW.
I asked You to give me opportunities, You showed me the open door.
I told You that I wasn't ready to do anything.
That I was too small
You told me it's all about training
That anything great starts small
That anybody great has gone through training
That's what makes the great, great - they have triumphed over defeat with You
You said I would be victorious and true to Your word, I was.
You've kept your promise, thank You
I know that You've set me on fire
Now You're telling me to spread Your fire.
To those who say NO, You're telling me what to answer back: YES YES AND YES
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
You are truly everything I need!
God, I pray that as she has encouraged me that I can encourage her too!
I pray so hard for her family because I know God that just as my family is slowly turning around, hers will as well
My prayer is that she will not give up
My promise is that I would be praying every night for her family
I know You can turn things around because I have seen the beginnings of a revival in my family.
I know it is possible, I know You are going to do something amazing in her family.
God, I know that You will honour her, Your faithful servant
God I pray that she will keep pushing and that You give her strength to push, as You've given me.
Just like me, she wants the same experience she's had for her family.
God I pray that we thank You and continue to pray even as there doesn't seem to be result
Because we trust that if something's not happening on the outside, something is happening on the inside!
God, we pray in faith for revival, for You to cause something to stir in them!
God, I pray that through me and through Nissi GAP, this fire will spread!
God, I thank You for Nissi GAP, that we have the opportunity to grow tgt as a family!
God, there is a reason for us being together, we wanna live out our purpose!

The Desert Song - Hillsong

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

I love this song, could just keep singing it over and over again!
Yes, victorious living for all of us, that is a promise we can claim!
We are on our way to REAL trust (: