oh wells
i got a couple of slaps in the face from God (that phrase is figuratively used, of course)
i remember telling God this some time back when i was really frustrated:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT
sighs, well, He sure did
He's been telling all this long but i didn't notice
it hit me so hard it took me a relatively long time to get over the shock
though its kinda understandable for Him to throw it in my face
if i were Him, i would've lost patience and just totally given up
2 main things:
EMOTIONAL BARRIER
THE ISSUE
#1: emotional barrier
He told me this was why i was stagnating (more about stagnancy later)
this is the reason i'm not growing like i should be
He did speak about this during encounter retreat but i just didn't do much about it
whatever He said then at the encounter retreat, Pastor said it
i mean it, like the exact same thing
it's not a coincidence
perhaps i wasn't sure how it applied at all
(please scroll to the stagnancy bit further down)
#2: the issue
well
i think it came through clearly what i needed
He dropped the first bomb when somebody wanted to be strict
i'm gonna be totally honest and say that i was running the furthest i could from that discipline
(take note: it hasn't started, it's gonna get harder cos there's a new level of discipline.but i'm ready to leave what wasn't supposed to be there behind me until God says i'm ready)
then when i was running from it, He dropped a second bomb when somebody wanted to change and switch methods, if you can call it that.
i practically begged the person not to change and just leave it
i think this was where i was given a second chance: i agreed to restrict further
i kept it up for a week or two but when the real test came, i faltered
third bomb dropped was when the second somebody talked to me and i have to admit, excuses were flying everywhere
in the end, i said okay but i was struggling
fourth bomb dropped was the sermon
if you've never seen me uncomfortable, that was the perfect display of maximum discomfort
i so wanted to runnnn but something made me want to stay
curiosity did kill something: it totally killed that front, it was the worst breakdown i've had in ages
but well, it was good
then i think God was gonna make sure i got it cos the fifth bomb came when another somebody told me the next day that things were gonna be different, stricter
wow, i actually felt really glad to know that
you know what?
Japan barely survived 2 bombs
i got hit by 5
these three somebodies (you guys rock, seriously.so blessed to have you guys)
i think this is something i ought to put down in black and white to remind myself
might as well take the opportunity to tell you three amazing people:
i know i didn't want all the discipline (or anything close to it) at the start
kicked up a fuss, excuses flying
now i'm saying please just do it
scold, nag, lecture, etc, just let it fly when you have to
for the first somebody: wam if you have to wam
for the third somebody: slap if you have to slap
for the second somebody: uhh kick if you have to kick? (i don't know what action you want)
uhh, of course, i'm not gonna keep counting on the various actions to deter me
i will count on God (:
- you said you wish i had done it sooner, you said you're gonna come down hard, you said you're gonna tell me straight
- you said you don't care how i think anymore, you're gonna do it, you said that my view of you was gonna change but you're going ahead, you said you're sick of it all
- you said to stop going in circles, you said to let go and stop thinking about it, you said you could only tell me what's right but the rest would have to come from me
you know what? i'm getting sick of it too man. you're all right. just so you guys know, i do absorb all you guys tell me and when i say i will think about it, i actually do. not a stalling technique. i don't know how it took me so long. but i'm so glad i have you guys. thank you so incredibly much for your patience. i believe that what all of you have said, God's been saying it to me through you. thank you (:
and to that special somebody who gave me pretty good advice, you rock too and i'm blessed to have you in my life too.that was so impromptu but yeap, you're amazing too (:
AND FINALLY, STAGNANCY
i still can't believe God would want me to talk about it, much less share about it
newest and one of the youngest
that's not what anyone would expect
it sure wasn't what i expected
i belong in the cellgroup, i know
but i figured that it wouldn't be my place to say anything
but when God wants something to happen, He'll make it happen
i ended up sharing anyway
it went better than i expected
stagnancy is really so subtle
it stems from mindsets
fixed perceptions of how worship should be, how cellgroups should be run, how prayers should be said, how Bible reading should be done, etc
all this just puts God in a box
God is creative, why restrict Him?
stagnancy is when you stun your own growth
it's from us though it always seems like external influence
a mindset has to change before anything can happen
mindsets of how people are like, how some things are just meant to be like that, how some things can't be changed, etc.
the correct mindset takes you everywhere, the wrong mindset takes you nowhere
it's an illusion that you're going somewhere because if you look closely, you'd realize that you've just been going in circles
things change when we change
LE CHATELIER'S PRINCIPLE AGAIN
it is only when something disrupts equilibrium do things actually start to change
(it's a wonder how i apply chemistry to this when i'm horrible at applying it to my tests)
lots of things will happen if we're just willing to do what God tells us to do
change is God-initiated but if you're gonna get any further than the starting line and actually making it to the finish line, you've gotta make a choice to run with God
you get stagnant when you refuse to move out of your comfort zone and make changes for God
stagnant water is a breeding ground for mosquitos
a stagnant spirit is a breeding ground for sin
when you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, you're sinning
when everything becomes "just another routine", that's where change needs to come...and fast
i might not come for church the week after this
(don't ask why, it's a really dumb reason)
everytime i try to get myself out of something like this that is purely for entertainment purposes, i have funny people who ask:
"why do you have to go to church every week?"
"isn't church the same every week?"
"church you can go anytime, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"
"God's gonna throw the same thing at you again if it's meant for you, missing one week wouldn't hurt!"
you'd think that being fellow believers, they would have a bit more sense to think through these questions/statements.
what makes it worse?
these are people who are actually people who serve in various ministries
they can even be people older than i am
makes you really think and constantly check yourself to see where God is placed in your heart
church ain't a building
it's an experience
not the kind of experience you get by going to UnderWater World or anything like that
you don't need massive physical activity
the word 'church' has 3 meanings for me:
#1: it's what people call the building (dictionary meaning)
#2: the people who come together to worship a King
#3: experiencing God
so church can happen anywhere, anytime?
absolutely
we are the church, we are His temple
we can experience God anywhere but we come together in massive celebration of His awesome-ness
that's why people still go to church
church is different every week
Pastor can preach the same sermon 3 weeks in a row and the message God would have for you would be different
church is never meant to be routine
and church was never about just going
church is about experiencing God over and over
you don't waste a second on excuses not to go
or even be there and making excuses not to open your hearts to His Word
and yes, God will throw things at you multiple times
each time He throws, it's a blessing, sometimes in disguise but always something great right?
so why wait?
He's saying He's got something amazing, something just for you, something hotter than the latest whatchamacallit out there!
and instead of immediately ushering Him into the VIP seat, treating Him like the King He is, giving Him your complete absolute adoration, reverance and attention
you actually go: "Hold on, i've got something on. God, take a number."
if you think about it, when you treasure something, you treasure it like it's gonna leave you any second
i'm not saying God' s gonna leave you any second
what i'm saying is that if you can't give up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity just to spend time with God, do you truly love Him enough?
treasuring my relationship with God, enjoying every moment, everything right here right now, is priority over any once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hang out and so on
maybe i won't be popular with people
but i believe respect is earned when you stand strong for something you believe in
people will get it one day
never overlook something seemingly simple and common like going to church
there is a mentality formed behind it
how much are you going to give up for God?
are you gonna compromise time with Him for something else?
and think about these 2 scenarios:
if you were standing before God on judgement day and He asks you:
"why did you ask me to take a number?"
what would you say? what excuse could possibly suffice?
nothing would and you know it, He knows it
like it or not, we have to account for every llittle thing when the day comes
how about this next scenario?
again, you're standing before Him on judgement day and He asks you:
"why did you give this up for me?"
you would be able to humbly answer:
BECAUSE YOU ARE MY GOD. NOTHING ELSE COULD TAKE YOUR PLACE.
it is at that moment that you realize that you have earned something priceless and of much more worth as compared to that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
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