all we need is You

I won't be blogging till the end of this week cos....
ITS EXAM WEEK!!!
Haha how fun.
Thank God it's only 1 week
After 4 years of exams spreading over 2 weeks, you are ecstatic to realise that it's only 1 week
I think the only down-side is that I have 3 papers on Friday
Chinese. Listening Comprehension. ELL.
Chinese is nutsss: 3hours and 15minutes
Listening comprehension is important cos I'm good at that LOL.
Helps me to save my grade.
Haha,I'm hoping that I get at least Bs and worse case scenario, Cs
I think this is ambitious, haha
But nothing lower HOPEFULLY
I want A for my Chinese LOL.
People, it's possible - read Philippians 4:13
I've had A LOT of miracles when it comes to Chinese
Since primary school LOL.
Every major Chinese exam is like a miracle for me

Nevermind.Chinese rocks,stones,pebbles and boulders.
Overdose of studying is taking its effect(:
Updates in a week (:

Rich or poor, God I want You more
Than anything that glitters in this world
Be my all, all consuming fire

You can have all my hands can hold
My heart, my mind, strength and soul
Be my all, all consuming fire

We have all we need in You
And all we need is You
All we need is You

I will learn to play this song man

Ecclesiastes 3:6 (The Message)
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go

encounter retreat

only one word to describe it: awesome
i've not felt so connected to God in a long time
each time i called out, He would tell me something new

i know i'm supposed to be free of all sin
and i did feel very relieved after confession and praise&worship
then i felt the heaviness set in again
i recognise it as the same thing that i experienced before confession
sister wanping was right to say that it would come back to haunt me
because it did, barely 10 minutes after it ended
i didn't understand the heaviness
i really couldn't figure it out
i mean wasn't i supposed to be free?
then i realised something:
God was showing me how hiding all my emotions would affect me
i didn't ask Him for that
but He knew just what i needed
i needed to feel it, think about it and then cast it out
only then can i overcome like He overcame
i know it's going to come back
when i least expect it, least need it and when i'm most likely to sin
that's the devil's mission: to drag me down with him to hell
but i have confidence in God
i know Jesus' mission when He was here was accomplished
i know He has redeemed me
it's up to me to lean on Him

it wasn't just an accumulation of emotions
it was an accumulation of fear
i can't describe how hard it was to shake that fear
the feeling of having it grip you is unbearable
and it makes you want to hold on to your desires more than ever
i was only able to shake it because of God
i didn't know what was happening
and i wanted so badly to let loose
to cry it all out
but there was something holding me back and i didn't know it
it hadn't come to me during confession, worship or anything before that
i felt like i couldn't shake it
but now i know
there is so much more meaning to things when you realise you're doing it on God's strength
now, i can cry out freely to Him
that clogged artery has been unblocked
thank God

latest news about my injury is that i will not be swimming competitively for the next 3 months
i can still swim leisurely
this is a new revelation that just came to me:
why i didn't thank God that i can at least swim leisurely?
why didn't i just thank Him for what He gave me, seeing that i was swimming for Him?
why was i feeling guilty and useless that i couldn't swim for Him?
simple: because i was not swimming for God but for personal honour and glory
this was the very thing i promised i wouldn't do
it wasn't an empty promise, i meant it at the point of time when i made that promise
but i deviated from my purpose
perhaps God doesn't even want me to swim but wants me to contribute in some other area
pride got to me
and got me deeply indulgent in self-pity and blame
what does it matter if i can no longer swim competitively?
thank God i can still swim leisurely
thinking negatively was already a sin
but it invited greater sin in
i nearly broke fast because of this emotional period
this is why our walk isn't just physical.
its mental and spiritual.
negative spirits came into me
they influenced me into thinking negative thoughts
and nearly got me doing some stuff God wouldn't want me to do
thank God for the workshop sister wanping gave about sin and God's armour
when God revealed this to me, i immediately thought of the hole in my armour getting bigger and bigger
thank God for this triumph
thank God for saving me

I used to sing this song all the time in sunday school
i'm listening to it now
the lyrics are something powerful
they are so true
He truly is my all in all

You Are My All In All

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up, I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down, You pick me up
When I am dry, You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Dear God,
thank You so much.
not just for this revelation but for everything else You've given.
forgive me for thinking You were touching others and not me.
forgive me for not seeing blessings You gave.
forgive me for giving in to sin.
God, thank You for showing me that to be able to touch a corner of Your cloak, i have to be out there trying to reach You first.
i had to reach out to You before You could touch me.
thank You for blessing me.
thank You for continually speaking to me and erasing doubt.
thank You for taking away the weariness in my soul and the heaviness in my heart.
i owe You so much more than i can return.
thank You for answering my heart's cry.
i am forever Yours and i want You to know that.
words can't describe Your love.
what You did on the cross, wow.
i'm so in awe.
You alone are God.
thank You for being my Saving Grace.
in Jesus' name i pray,
amen

Redevoted To You

This is something that came to me suddenly this morning
But being a very obedient girl,I went to do my revision for exams first
And when I finally finished Chem,this is what I did(:
Give me half the chance
I'll make you understand
That what I got to give
Is so much more than this
Than you'll ever know
The stanza is from the song 'One Better' by Aaron Carter
I used to listen to it alot
But now it's music fasting period
Was kinda surprised this came but anyway
It's not a Christian song but it sort of got me thinking about chances in general
Each time we trust God,unconsciously we think that we're taking a chance
Think about it: God's the best chance we've ever got
God's been taking chances too: ON US
God took a chance on us when He sacrificed His Son
He could've chosen not to take this chance
But He did
We are tiny people on a tiny island on a tiny planet
There were greater things God could've chosen to bother about but He chose us
That's the biggest chance anyone has ever taken on you, on me and on the rest of mankind
And after sacrificing,God took more chances on us
Time and again, He took chances on our empty promises,knowing that it'd all fall apart
He keeps throwing chances and keeps believing and trusting us
God's so amazing
It was one huge chance and there were many more where that came from
This was meant to be a love song (duh)
But it got me thinking:
#1: Is what I have to give just this or more?
#2: God's taken so many chances on us,regardless of our repeated failure.Do we have that right to even say we're taking a tiny chance,let alone a big chance?
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Redevoted To You

I've made so many promises
Each time I give them all up
I know nothing's really lasted

And You gave me the chance
To be one of Your own
When I walk with You
I know I'll never be alone
Now I'm seizing that chance
Never letting go of You, God
Dedicating my life to You
Lord,I'm redevoted to You

I can't thank You enough
For all it is You've done
I know it's always been for me

And You gave me the chance
To be one of Your own
When I walk with You
I know I'll never be alone
Now I'm seizing that chance
Chasing after You, God
Dedicating my life to You
Lord, I'm redevoted to You

It's always been about me
It's never been about You
Now it's gonna be all for You

You took a chance on me
Made me Your very own
As I'm walking with You
Lord, I don't feel alone
Seizing this chance you gave
Chasing You with all I've got
I'm making my promise real
Lord, I'm redevoted to You

so many thoughts, just one post

thought 1:
someone asked me how it is that i can be so nice to her
when she seems to not bother
i mean, if she doesn't bother, then why should i right?
i know it's not within my means to control her
i don't have a right to tell her what to do
that's why i'm not forcing her
i want it to be God calling her
like how He drew me
if it's not God's timing, it's not the right timing
with God, there will always be second chances even when no one else thinks so
that's how people are saved
because they are given a chance
and they cherish that chance
i don't want to give up on her just because of that incident
God didn't give up on me
i dragged it for as long as i could
no doubt that she might as well
but that's what faith is all about
trusting God even when it seems impossible
that's when He'll show us that it pays to trust Him

thought 2:
things aren't always as they seem
i thought that the friendship with her was well something that was gonna last.
at least for this year and next year
but people change so the relationship changes
maybe i've changed
God's telling me to move on
and i know i will soon
i will always be a friend
but there is no way we can have the same friendship as before
and this will make another separation easier to make

thought 3:
it is time i started to really think about the advice i'm getting
not just nod and go yeahhhh
but really think about it
sometimes,it's not about what i want anymore
it is about what God wants now
it should've been from the start

thought 4:
i realise that no matter how much i think
even about certain issues
i can still focus on doing what i have to do
thank You
You know that i need to think about it
or else it'll just be harder when the time comes
You know i'll make a decision i'll regret if i don't think it through
there's a time and place for everything
and You give me all that
You help me make time for everything

thought 5:
i think i will separate from them
i will have to
i will feel so bad for some time
i don't think i could face any one of them after this
i don't think they'd go against me
but i cannot stand the disappointed looks
or the confused looks
or even worse: the questions "why?"
i wouldn't know what to say or what to do
ignore me: i think i'm just going nutsss (:
its important to know that i should be seeking favour from God rather than man
i don't know what i need
mannn,this is going to take more than me
but that's always been the case
everything takes more than just me
it takes God too

everybody tells me not to think
and to focus on what's important EXAMS
i know,thanks for all the concern
i promised i would manage the time the best i can
and i am trying
for those who believe i'm trying: thank you for believing
time will tell

i should employ my so-called annoying "personal tactic"

what's the truth?

after what i've experienced
i would rather people tell me the truth
than tell me what i want to hear

friends tell you the truth
brothers and sisters hammer the truth into you
not so that they get their way
or that they get to "exert their authority"
nahhh
they do it cos they want the best for you

well,not exactly hammer in my case
but still,the impact was there
i'm so glad i listened to you
thanks for trying to reason it out with me
i so didn't feel like it
so felt like rebelling(sounds so familiar) :)
or not doing it but saying i did
that's how bad it was that that thought even crossed my mind
even if for a few seconds
cos to me the whole thing seemed...unnecessary
i was protesting all the way from clementi to bukit panjang
was trying to get out of it and do things my way
thank God i didn't

you didn't force me into it
you let me make the decision on my own
thanks so much, love ya <3
then again,that i think about it
so did You
You are what makes life worth living

10 hours people
no phone
and it was on purpose
so i could 'focus' on my studies
and yeahhh i made it

unnecessary is how it feels at first
then God makes you realise that THAT'S what is holding you back
that's why you go into self-denial and try to rationalise it out on your own
worship is also about trusting God
even when it seems too difficult or too ridiculous or too unnecessary or too troublesome

just remember
He has His purpose
and we know from experience that it'll all pay off

today's post

thank you my sister, for travelling all the way to NUH just to wait with me
and hear the much anticipated verdict
i know you love me(:
haha,i love you so much too<3
just so you know,your presence made the difference
i'm very touched that you came
i see God's love through you

God i can never repay You enough
for the love You're shown
for the people You've sent
for the angels You've sent to watch over me time and again
for the treasures You've sent to bless me
for the gems You've sent for me to shower love upon

i've learned alot in one day
thank God for enlightening me
i am waiting for God to enlighten me again through timo on saturday
he'll be going into his pet topic then (:
i know it'll be yet another learning point
God,i'm humbled by Your existence alone

events come and go
but the memories,the lessons,the revelations
the renewed,refreshed relationship
these'll never be forgotten

passion versus obsession
obsession will disappear with time
obsession is having knowledge of something but your reason for your zeal is illogical,irrational
passion may diminish as well
but people who are truly passionate would constantly renew their passion
passion is also knowledge-based but you have a reason behind your zeal
passion is when you fall so deeply in love with something that you just want more
are we just zealous but with shallow perceptions?
are we obsessed but just cos it's cool, the current hype, you have no idea why?
are we truly passionate about God, so much so that we want to continually get closer to God and consistently chase after Him?
the fine line is right there.
sometimes,getting carried away with things mislead us into getting obsessed rather than passionate
it's not the things we do but our intention behind it all

tolerance versus patience
when you're tolerant,you give chances grudgingly
when you're patient,you give chances willingly
when you're tolerant,you stop trusting the person
when you're patient,you continue to trust and believe the person who messed up
when you're tolerant,you do not guide willingly and you don't support the person for fear of being hurt again
when you're patient,you guide willingly and you support the person even if it means you getting hurt
when you're tolerant,each time you "forgive",the emotions are still there,just hidden
when you're patient,each time you forgive,the emotions don't get carried forward to the next encounter
while we're all mostly tolerant,God is patient
He gives us so many chances even as we reject and hurt Him
He gives them freely and willingly and trusts us and guides us
He doesn't keep track of our sins;each case is separate and forgiven
that's what it means to be patient
that's what love is all about

my heart as a building
i feel that my heart really is like some sort of headquarters
i'm pretty sure everyone's hearts are like this too, just that nobody i know of has used this analogy
God is the caretaker
therefore,He has the all-clear to access anywhere in HQ
He can even enter in the dark times (at night) when everyone else cannot
but being the caretaker,He sometimes opens our heart from the inside to people on the outside because He knows they can help us
then of course, there are different levels of security during normal times (daytime)
the main door is open though only people with purpose enter the HQ
places these people can enter are then classified
1. Places accessed by using the common access card
2. Places accessed by using the moderated access card
3. Places accessed by using codes
4. Places accessed by using the thumbprint scanner
5. Places accessed by undergoing a THE WORKS scan (voice code patterns,eyeball scanners,you name it)
the trick is that once you have passed security at one level,you don't need to pass it again
automatically,you're given access
obviously,God's the caretaker so for Him, it's open access(:
for certain special special people
(you know who you guys are:i whine to you,jump with you,pray with you,laugh with you,cry with you,confide in you)
level 5: trust level is high enough,i trust them enough
these people can read me
they know my emotions
they can tell when things are bothering me
i see God's love shine through time and again
could never thank Him enough
so much so that every single night, i thank Him for their existence alone

why is it that i've known them all my life
yet i don't feel comfortable opening up to them
i trust them
i'd do anything for them
but my emotions are not something i'm willing to reveal to them
it's so strange, so weird, so sad
i so don't get it
what you said today made so much sense
i've thought about it so much
yet it's like they've only reached level 3
shouldn't be rightttt?
shouldn't they be at least at level 5?
the time period is so not proportionate
i wish i didn't have to think about this
but i want to
if i don't, i know this won't be the relationship i want
i realise that all this while,i never revealed emotions to them
it was all just opinions
fears,emotions were things i didn't reveal to them
so in time they don't understand me
i've always felt the need to cover up things in front of them
to appear strong,hiding became part of my act
just like how it was with cellgroup
i didn't reveal things at first
then its like this 'artery' was unclogged and it all flowed
now, i'm somehow more in control, more together
but somehow,this is something that didn't come through
why i don't know
i've just been 'acting' too long i guess?

food for thought
time to think about what i want with this relationship
but i know that to God, what matters is that i take the first step
what matters is that i try to involve them in this journey

tuesday's post

this video is really touching

can you imagine: this is the extent of His love

it didn't hit me as hard till i saw this video

God didn't stop loving even though it cost Him

Why should we stop loving Him once we have to sacrifice?

His sacrifice is something that is irreplaceable

For people whose hearts have been broken: He's the only one who can heal the wounds

For people who have messed up big time: He's the only one who can give you the strength to pick up the pieces

For people who feel empty, lost, upset: He's the only one who can make you whole again by filling your heart

Once you experience God in your life, you never want to let go

You only want more

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the fast has been going good(:

its true, when you make God's desires yours, it doesn't seem as painful.

it was tough but it's getting easier each day

perhaps this is what worship is truly about:

making His ways your ways

making His plan your plan

making His values your values

we put aside our emotions for God

we'd do anything for Him, sacrifice anything for Him

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thank You for helping me do the right thing

i doubted from the start

but as i trusted You, i could feel You helping me

every step of the way

i know You're here

because i cried out in my heart for help and You heard me

thank You

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God recently showed me how important words are

how words can help someone who's broken

- thank You for helping me pick her up.i know You were speaking to me,telling me what to say to her.thank You.Your words healed her,i just repeated them.only You can heal her wounds.the scars will remain but they will fade in time.these are scars only the world's greatest surgeon can remove.soon,it will be without a trace.trust me and trust God.

how words could help the situation if they had been said earlier

- i should've listened to You.that voice in my head telling me what to say but i wasn't courageous enough to trust You.now,i know better.we learn along the way.and You helped to make things better.no matter how bad my choices may be,You've always made them good.i want to renew my trust fall with You.

how words that did not go unsaid should have gone unsaid

- again,i should've listened to You.things would not have turned out this way.but you made me realise how wrong i was,how the misconception even started.i know You'll change things.You've already started stirring up something.only You can turn this around.it's in Your hands.

how apologies can make a difference

- thank You for helping me.i may not have had the courage at first but You gave me the courage.no matter what others say,i know i did the right thing.no matter who's against me,i know i did what You wanted me to do.i wished i had done it sooner but i know it's about Your timing.i know You'll make everything better.things will change but it's Your will and i know that's something great right there.

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