promises

ah~~~
may not be able to go for the Philippines OCIP ):
and i just lost my report.
oh well.

when you no longer need to run the race, at least for the time being, the next best thing you can do is to push others to run their race, and you do your best to help them wherever you can.
we would take initiative to help a friend, why wouldn't we take the initiative to help the people whom we say we love.
it is true that sin once resulted in dysfunctional relationships, but that's never an excuse.
the past can never be our excuse.
we must remember our past so that we remember how we came to be the people we are today.

tsk, how could i have been so ridiculously careless
something starts off cool
people laugh at it, fool around
you get into it and it becomes a joke to you too
then you internalize the joke
then that's no longer cool
whether you come clean moments later, hours later, days later, years later
it doesn't change what it was from the beginning
the subconscious reliving of it day by day shows addiction

it never hit me hard till you said it
there were hints thrown
just goes to show that i gotta take it more seriously
attach more importance to it
its not about feeling bad or not (but of course, that is what happened)
ironically, what i treasured about what was happening was the trust that came with honesty
saying i'm sorry doesn't mend the damage
it is only the stepping stone
stopping there will not get us anywhere
i'll set out to make things right

i know i'm tired of it
its become to me like what cocaine is to a cocaine addict
time to quit
no starting whenever i feel like it
it started the minute i said forgive me
from then on, it's about damage control

i'll never forget the hurt it can bring
it really isn't enough to treat the people you love like the way you treat yourself
because they really deserve so much more

a promise is a promise
the promise is not promising i'll change
the promise is actually going about changing

time to start doing something

Proverbs 22:28 - Do not remove an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers (NIV)

Boundaries bring security.
Boundaries create freedom.
Boundaries provide direction.
Boundaries allow you to explore and establish your identity.
Boundaries generate purpose.

That was from "Dating Delilah" by Judah Smith

Yes, this is what we need to know. It gives us the space to develop as a family. When you do God's will even in the tiny things, it allows you the room to grow more than ever. It may not exactly be a boundary. But if you feel its a boundary, this is the way to look at it. As something that will point out areas of growth to you.

I heard at the ORPC sermon that one of the purposes a law serves is to point out where sin is in our lives. I think it has served that purpose, it points out where we need to improve on. It's actually rather obvious to all of us, we just don't wanna admit it. If we don't do this, these will always be ideals we lay down and hope and pray for but they can never be reality without the right attitude. Everything is based on the heart.

More and more, I am convinced of the importance of Saturday. Thank You for answering my prayer and actually showing me things that help me to finally understand its importance. That's cool (:

yeaaaaaa promos are over (:
awesome awesome, God's blessed me so much!
i feel that this exam, i did walk with Him through it so that's cool (:
let's have a "examination de-brief"!

okay when i mean passing, i'm not talking about an S grade but a D grade. that's my standard pass 'cause its actually 50 to 54 marks. that should not be that hard to get, really.

GP: i hope what i did for the composition was enough! lots of people found the compre difficult but i found it alright... my last grade was a C, should be able to maintain or move up to a B!

Chemistry: i love the MCQ part cause i could do it! my last MCQ was so bad, this one i'm so confident of passing. my last grade for this was a U, that's actually the lowest grade you can get. not good obviously. but well, i'm confident i will pass!

Economics: well, i love the case study part 'cause i could answer everything. essay was rushed but i hope to pass! last grade for econs was a U ): this time it should be at least a D!

Math: well, it's the only one i did well in with a B for midyears (: i'll bet i can do that again, maybe even get an A (:

Chinese: yessss, i should get a B for this one!

ELL: hmm. uhh. well. i got an E the last time so i'm hoping to move up from there. i think the adaptation portion went well so i should get a D or a C!

okay, that's the exam de-brief. actually, now that i look at it, the 4h2s thing may be outttt. 'cause supposed to get a C average across the 4h2s. well, but i know i did my best. under normal circumstances, meaning 3h2s and 1h1, i would've been able to pass on to j2 with the predicted results. but really, i've never worked so hard for exams. i cannot believe all the things i did for chem and econs. much more than i did for O levels.
nvm. over. don't wanna think about it. focus on my post-exam mission (:
let's just wait for 27th october kay.
i've never been very keen on telling people whether i did well or not.
just don't like talking about it haha.
i'll just smile and said i did okay or not okay.
not that grades aren't important to me, i just like to do what i have to and know that i did what i could.
results are another thing.
huh, i bet i know who'll be super frantic the night before hahaha.
nvm, 27th october :P

My Second Chance

Take my hands and my feet
Guide them in Your every way
That their work
May glorify Your Name

I just need Your touch
More than words can express
Crying out to You, Lord
I pray I will be Yours forever

Might have fallen short
Tried to fight a war, still stumbling in defeat
But all that’s gonna change
Might have had a past
Walked a broken road, been covered in debris
I know that’s gonna change

Take my soul and my spirit
Give me strength through every day
That I may fulfill
Your plan for me

Take my heart and my mind
Make me pure in every thought
That I may stay
On the path You made

Take all I am and what I have
Draw me close and not let go
That I will know
I am Yours each day

I just need Your touch
More than words can express
Crying out to You, Lord
I pray I will be Yours forever

Might have fallen short
Tried to fight a war, still stumbling in defeat
But all that’s gonna change
Might have had a past
Walked a broken road, been covered in debris
I know that’s gonna change

‘Cause I am washed by blood that’s unseen
You took the place that was meant for me
You paid the price
For a second chance
And there was a body broken for me
You credited worth to undeserving me
You sacrificed
For my second chance

written by Him, I just type it out
seems like I wrote it, but it's all Him
give Him the glory
'cause it is written by God to help us with worship

>> typed this one out while I was relaxing and celebrating the almost-end-of-promos. will work on a tune for this one, definitely. at first I thought it seemed too much like a song for new Christians. then I realised, all of us do need to remember this: how we are here at all. when we forget that, we forget who we are. we all need to be reminded of this at some point of time. we need to remember how important that sacrifice He made is and know the sacrecy of the covenant we take as well as make. how appropriate that this should come as Nissi G.A.P. signs the covenant on Saturday! as brothers and sisters, this sacrifice is all the more sacred. this is what makes us brothers and sisters in the first place, bonded as a body in Christ by His blood. our covenant is important and should not be just a piece of paper to any of us. this covenant, in fact, represents the essence of having a cellgroup, it ties in with our very identity. we are His children, we are a family brought together by Him. i really pray we will treasure this covenant. maybe, to some, the importance of the covenant is overrated. but, really, it is a choice how much importance you want to attach to it. God attached so much importance to covenants in the Bible. He treasured promises made and that's why He tried to keep His promises. He knew covenants meant nothing if they were not honoured. but He didn't dictate how important it must be to us. how do we view this covenant? is this a contract that lasts for a time period? or a promise we want to keep renewing, that will last a lifetime? let's treasure this promise made! it is our identity. now it is our prerogative to align our activity with our identity. the activity has two components: physical and mental. mental comes before physical; our attitude towards it has to be right before we can sign it on paper and in our hearts, before it can truly be meaningful. you can only truly sign it if you know what it means to you. this covenant is a direct promise to God that your relationship with your brother or sister means something to you, that you will love this brother or sister. why is it direct? back to the whole point of me typing this. it is direct because it is Him who links you and this person. blood is thicker than water. we all know that and treat it like a fact. but is this blood that links us thicker than ourselves? is it bigger than we are? my view is that it is. to me, if you believe He is greater than you, so is His blood. it is greater than how cool others think it is. in any case, how cool it is still boils down to the importance you place on it. actions speak a thousand words, if the person who carries it out really means it. are you committed to your identity in Him, committed enough to sign on and keep it? remember that this identity comes with being bonded by His blood to your family, in my case, Nissi G.A.P.. i think that this bondage with my identity is not a burden, it is not the kind of bondage that wears you down. it is these relationships that have helped me to grow. every bit of it is important to me and that is why the covenant is important to me.

(yes, I am done with this essay, which I just realised is so much longer than the actual song haha)

essays, ionic equilibria and market failure

yeaaaaaaaaaa.
promos half over!!!!
this is called rejoicing too early.
but still, achievement: i've never mugged so hard in my life for chem and econs.
*standing ovation for alex!*
three more to go: math, chinese and linguistics
then as Amanda Thian would say: I'M FREEEEEEEE!
well, not completely but yeap, freedom in the short run is better than no freedom.
in fact, i'm getting so "into" studying that i might just continue studying even after promos.
need to keep going or my gears will get harder to start up.
like that Strepsils advertisement.
except that it's gonna take more than Strepsils to help me pick up the pace.
and after promos, i need to go full force for I&R and OP (PW stuff, if you don't know about this, that's the best, stay that way, trust me you don't wanna know)
i just realised that if a certain big thing still exists, i'll be coping with that too.
i predict that Amanda will be swamped then.
i pray it won't happen.
but i wouldn't have to worry so much if some people did what they were supposed to do :/
it's a bit too late for apologies and regrets, i really don't care what just happened.
you will not throw me offtrack thinking about how pissed off i was with the two of you.

STUFF #1: MY PROMOS
monday was GP --- i got to base my essay on saturday's sermon!
how cool is that!
hope it works out!
wednesday was chem --- everybody walked out so dazed after the paper.
in CJC, there is a joke.
when somebody thinks they're gonna fail promos, the person probably says:
HEY SOMEBODY BETTER BE MY FACILITATOR NEXT YEAR.
that is code for: i will be participating in next year's J1 orientation!
well.
for me, someone who does not do exceptionally well for chem, it was all right.
not too bad.
i think i tried my best, i just hope it's enough.
today was econs --- it went better than i expected.
i'm totally stunned that i managed to finish and that i managed to recall so much.
whatever i couldn't recall, i smoked my way through.
i think i managed to smoke adequately.
passing shouldn't be a problem for promos anymore.
i think what i'm worried about is if it's enough to let me keep my combination.
okay, enough thought, it would be more allocative efficient to channel my brain cells towards actual studying.

STUFF #2: MY INJURY COUNTER
blogs have blog counters.
alex has an alex counter.
don't panic, it's not to count how many alexes there are or can be.
it's to count the number of injuries i have.
total count for this week is 3: 2 cuts on the leg and a swollen palm.
all considered minor as compared to past experiences.
these statistics are also slightly better than the past.
i wonder if this injury thing is recurrent every month.
pastor has his accident prone-ness once every 10 years.
my accident prone-ness comes once every month.
still, i've learnt through trial and error that my injuries usually save me from something.
they are dubbed by my dear Peijun as my "God-given injuries".
oh i should also count the number of potential injuries i could've gotten.
this one is better, only 1 so far.
brace yourself.
i nearly fell down the stairs again.
THANK GOD THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
how do i do it?
i dunno, it kinda just happens.
i try not to let it happen too often, only on special occasions :P

okay, that's it for me

Through The Storm

Seems like the waves keep coming
Seems like my world is falling
Still there is strength to keep going
And I know You are here

Even as the waves crash down
I'll call out through the storm

Father I need You
More with every moment to pass
Just hold me tight till it's over
Please carry me through the storm

Each wave just seems bigger
With every step I feel weaker
Yet there is faith to keep going
I know You are here

Each wave brings something new
Each day I'm drawing closer to You
Your Spirit surrounds every part of me
I know You're right here

All this heart was made to do

This is what God gave me for a friend on Friday afternoon.
I look at what I have and I know that I don't deserve this honour.
Yet, I'm aware it was totally His will and timing on my side so I just went with God.

"Faith is something all of us can have, just a matter of who you place your faith in (: A lot of times, it is about directing your faith from something physical to something spiritual. Everyone has faith and everyone has more than enough chances to make that faith count (: Remember when you said you needed the 'enlightenment' I have? There're an endless number of enlightenments (: I can tell you that just by knowing God exists is the 1st enlightenment so you've got it! This journey is like crossing a bridge. You just need to decide to start crossing a bridge and thereafter, it's about how to keep walking (: There're people who say they're crossing but they're just saying, not moving. That was my problem... I didn't actually accept the invitation and step onto the bridge till early this year though I'd been saying I was on the bridge for 16 plus years. But I learnt that each time you approach this bridge, you're actually ready to cross it but if you feel you're not ready, there's something beautiful: there's only one bridge but somehow you'll keep coming back to that bridge. Opportunities are endless(: You'll never know where's the end of the bridge and whether to keep walking when some planks of the bridge start falling out and that's where your faith comes in (:"

How can that be from me? It's not, it's from God.
I really pray this friend can join Nissi G.A.P. soon!

PROMOS - every J1 student's nightmare!!
I really want to push for good grades, grades that at least allow me to move up to J2 and keep my combination :/
Now that PW is momentarily out of the way, I'm racing against time to prepare.
Probably gonna stay off Blogger till everything's over.
Unless I have something absolutely awesome to share (:

I will give up what means most just so You would mean more.
Father, help me by giving me that 100% faith, I need it more than ever.
Father, help me to understand and bear with it.
I know the time will come.
Just like today's speaker said: she knew the time would come, she just didn't know when.
I pray that till then, You'll keep my heart pure.
Father, my heart was made to worship You.
Take this heart captive, Lord, and make it Yours...


Burn - Cornerstone

Jesus, You are my everything
I am amazed by the love that You've shown

At the cross
All my sins have been washed
I will embrace this love You've given me
To please this heart of Yours

And I fall into You
Empty my all, I'll run to You

Purge away my sins
Make me whole again
Burn within my heart
A passion for Your name
Cleanse me of my faults
Make me pure within
Deep inside my heart
Renew the fire again
Burn me in the fire