Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have Your way in me
------------------------------------------------------------------------
And Lord we want to lift Your name on high
And Lord we want to thank You
For the works You've done in our lives
And Lord we trust in Your unfailing love
For You alone are God eternal
Throughout earth and heaven above
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know what to think
I think I'm just disappointed
I never thought things would turn out this way
And the more I try, the further you seem to go
It's just a letdown
It was directed at me: I know that
It was in a fit of anger: I know that
What I don't know is why I didn't retaliate
And what I don't know is when I'd forgive
'Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me'
Whoever thought that up was so wrong
Those words should never have been invented.
As much as I know you might not have meant that, it all still hurts
I have prayed about it and I've found peace in Him
Now, I'm just indifferent
It's like it never happened but nothing can change the fact that it happened and things are bound to change.

it's not my battle to fight

I wish you'd just insult me in some language that I can understand.
I don't think I'm the one who's changed anymore.
It's you.
I've known you practically my entire life, or at least I thought I did.
Now I know you can never totally know a person.
There are times in the past where I really wish I didn't know you.
Now it's just worse.
All of a sudden, it's like I don't know you and you don't know me.
I don't blame anything or anyone else.
Now I'm no longer angry, I'm trying to look beyond that but I know you're not ready to look forward.
So I'm just going to wait.
Patience is a virtue I have yet to achieve but I know that I can.
I don't know what the problem is anymore.
Maybe you think the recent changes in my individual life has pushed us further from each other.
But that's not it.
God said to honour you, why would He put me in a new place that would just push me further away from you and therefore from Him?
And I've been trying to fix it.
But it's never gonna work if you don't do your part.
Or maybe the problem is that we're too much alike.
We're both too quick to judge.
Too quick to anger.
I know that I'm trying but I don't think you are.
So this is how it's going to be?
I don't want to give up but you just might make me.
The only reason I chose not to just leave is because God spoke to me.
The right timing too, because I was about give it all up, thinking that it wasn't worth it.
All I can do now is pray I don't give in to negativity.
This is a spiritual battle.
It's not my battle to fight
I want to leave it in His hands.
Cos I know it's the best way.



God, renew my spirit that I may start each new day better than the last.
Give me the strength and perseverance to trust in You.
Give me the patience to wait for Your timing.
Help me to control my emotions and not give in to negativity.
I lift everything up to You and I know I'm safe with You
Let me strive each day to glorify Your name and live each day for You.
In Jesus' name I pray
Amen (:

no doubt (:

God's amazing, amen?
Haha that's all I have to say really.
How He's worked in my life is amazing.
How He uses me to work in the lives of others is incredible too.
He places everybody in my life for a reason.
I'm convicted of that after what happened today.
You can see the transformation happen before your eyes
Then you can't help but be awed till you're at a loss for words.
That's how overwhelmed I felt today.
I know that I'm getting somewhere because He is here.
He totally reigns.
No doubt.
Everything.
EVery single thing I will commit into His hands
He has totally won me over
Hands down man.



I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all

Once Upon A Time

Verse:
I was at the crossroads
I made a choice for life
Chose to follow in Your footsteps

Bridge:
I've lost myself in Your love
My self-centred life
Now a thing of the past

Chorus:
It's all once upon a time
I've given You my life
With You right next to me
That's where I wanna be
It's all once upon a time
All my sins left behind
With you my broken soul
Has become completely whole

Verse:
It's that trust fall again
I choose to fall back on You
I trust in You alone

Bridge
Chorus

Verse:
It's your unfailing love
I choose to open up my heart
And run into Your embrace

Bridge
Chorus

Verse:
It's the passion for You
I choose to let it consume
Every part of all I am

Bridge
Chorus

Verse:
It's between You and me
Made a choice to go Your way
Chose to let Your Spirit reign

Bridge
Chorus

Pour My Love On You

By Phillips, Craig, Dean

I don't know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can't begin to tell You what Your love has meant
I'm lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think You are
You're my dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on You

Like oil upon Your feet
Like wine for You to drink
Life water from my heart
I pour my love on You
With praises like the perfume
I lavish mine on You
Till every drop is gone
I pour my love on You

Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think You are
My dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on You

Like oil upon Your feet
Like wine for You to drink
Life water from my heart
I pour my love on You
With praises like perfume
I lavish mine on You
Till every drop is gone
I pour my love on You


this song has its own beauty
and it really struck me while I listened to it
how much there's still left to go
how maybe the love flowing out hasn't been flowing fast enough
at the rate it should be, seeing that I feel more and more blessed each day
it's easy to say that you've been blessed because God blesses every breathing moment
but ever thought about giving back?
that's the crucial point
then after thinking of giving back, do you follow through?
it's a neverending cycle to better yourself
your development is between you and God, at times with help from people around you you've been blessed with
but it should never be between you and someone else.
God's love is pure, motivated by nothing less than more love
Same with our love: it shouldn't be motivated by the hope of gaining favour and praise from man.

keep my eyes on You

revelations

I feel very enlightened, I really do.
it's amazing how God answers prayers so subtly.
yet I know that it's Him.
today, or rather tonight, was a night of revelations.
I'm truly amazed at how much I learned through a discussion with the cellgroup, mainly Timo.
let's review the revelations:

1. We are nothing
2. We know nothing
3. There's no predestiny
4. There's no THE ONE for you



Revelation 1
we are really absolutely nothing compared to God.
(this is linked to the lyrics of the song Who Am I by Casting Crowns - scroll down to one of the previous posts this month called "music")
how can we ever ever fathom His love?
or worse still, think we have already understood how He's like?
there's no way.
God created the universe and all the things in it.
We can't even understand the universe, let alone its Creator
He loves us so much that He blesses us umpteen times
I mean how amazing is that?
talk about unconditional love.
we are nothing, yet He chose us over all other things
He chose to save us even as there was a sacrifice involved
this just lifts Him higher.
so much higher that right now, we are even smaller than we used to be.
we are but specks compared to Him.
that's how awesome He is (:



[this is where i really started going wrong and as Timo was clearing doubts, the buzzers were going off in my mind]
Revelation 2
We know nothing, really
the worst part is that we think we do
we jump at the chance to proclaim our own self-righteousness
but do we really know what it's all about?
do we really, truly know the way?
truth is, as much as we delude ourselves that we do, we don't
think we know everything in the universe?
*BUZZER SOUNDS:DEHHHHH*
no.
how then would we know everything there is to know about the Creator of the universe?
this is why we are forever learning more about God
after knowing this, I feel the hunger to learn more about Him, more than before.
our christian life should be constantly developing
I was so humbled upon hearing this from Timo
It made me think back to when I first came for cellgroup
I came in thinking that I would be somewhat on the same level as them, having ever gone through Bible study
*BUZZER SOUNDS:DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH*
I was so wrong
I remember feeling overwhelmed
even back then, God was hinting at this realisation just that I never thought about it till Timo brought it up.
our christian life should be anything but monotonous and static.
our walk with God should come first.
we have to ensure that we're walking right with God before launching into learning more.
non-Christians can memorise every passage in the Bible but if they're not Christians, their knowledge is nothing.
even Christians who are just Christians in name: it all amounts to nothing.
it's only at times after people have been somewhat enlightened to this, like what i underwent just now, that it strikes them how ignorant they are.
We don't know it all
I am still ignorant, still learning, but at least I'm aware.



Revelation 3
What is predestiny?
It means that someone has already planned your life out for you.
*BUZZER SOUNDS:DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH*
It's a theory with a gaping loophole: what about our failures?
You mean someone planned that we'd fail - and we did?
Nahhhh
God has a will and He has His plan for us.
HERE'S THE REVELATION: HE GAVE US THE CHOICE WHETHER OR NOT TO FOLLOW HIS WILL
He placed freewill over predestiny.
He's all powerful and He could have willed us to do things the way He wanted it with a snap of a finger.
But the amazing thing is HE DIDN'T.
He allowed us to decide.
HERE'S ANOTHER REVELATION: HE KNEW WHAT OUR CHOICE WAS GOING TO BE
question: then why didn't He stop me from making all those mistakes?
Timo's analogy:
Let's say you're on the edge of a cliff.
God's telling you: don't jump
But you chose to go against that and jump.
HE GAVE US THE CHOICE WHETHER WE WANTED TO LISTEN TO HIM OR NOT
We can actually do anything we like, it's a matter of whether or not we choose to do what's in line with His will
Just like drinking alcohol.
We can drink alcohol.
But we choose not to because we know what the consequences can be like.
So God knows the end result of everything we're gonna do, in line with His will or not.
He gives us the option of deviating.
And even if we choose to not go according to His will, He'll choose to bless us
That's why we pray: God, guide me towards a decision in line with Your will.
It's why we put Him and His will above all else.
then what about people who drifted and came back: did God know they were coming back?
He knew exactly when we would but He still threw opportunities at us even before that
That proves how much He wanted us to come back into His embrace
then what about people who never did come back to God?
believe it or not, He knew whether we were gonna be Christian or not, how we were gonna live.
to non-Christians, He still continuously threw opportunities their way even as they rejected Him so many times
And He continues to do so till the day they're gone.
He left it up to us.
that is one of the infinte number of amazing things God's willing to do for us.
Timo mentioned this and it struck me: God has purposely rendered Himself powerless over our decisions
That's actually the freewill given to us: He could but He didn't
My thought the entire time we were on this subject:
He loves me (and all the people around me) so much
We don't deserve it and yet, we get that unconditional love
How could we ever turn away, knowing how much He loves us?



Revelation 4
What about THE ONE for me?
Once again....
*BUZZER SOUNDS:DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH*
No such thing.
Oookayyy so maybe it's a two-choose-one, three-choose-one, four-choose-one thing?
*BUZZER SOUNDS:DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH*
God didn't make our love life to be a multiple choice question paper
There's no fixed answer, no single person you're destined to marry
I mean, what if the person you're destined to be with died early or married someone else or migrated to Antarctica to look after penguins?
Are you gonna spend the rest of your life seeking this person?
Are you gonna spend your life as a spinster or bachelor then?
God didn't destine us to be with one particular person.
Again, this is where freewill comes in
God gave us all the choice of who we wanna marry (or whether we even want to marry in the first place)
We choose to ask God to guide us.
So it should be: God, show me who's the one?
*BUZZER SOUNDS:DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHH,DEHHHHHH*
Nahhh, more of: God, lead me to someone in line with Your will
sometimes,just because the person you have in mind is Christian doesn't mean that's in line with God's will
there are Christians of different faith levels,different commitment levels.
even people from the same church may not be right
since we're incapable of truly judging for ourselves, we rely on God.
God's matching will be the right one (:



Moral of the story: trust GOD and His plan
Awesomeness, these revelations are like totally mind-boggling
I'm still in awe of it all
The best part is it was indirectly answering prayers that I prayed earlier.
totally amazing(:
I really thank God for it!
thanks to Timo and Peijun as well (:
very very long post....
gotta go do my 800 word essay now.

trust: hard to earn, easy to lose

Wow, lots of work to do over the weekend.
Still there're a lot of things to be thankful for.
I'm glad God's helping me to put what's passed where it belongs: wayyy behind me.
It's forever a trust fall: between God and I.
I trust God will handle it (:

And I thank you for believing in me
I'm really glad I met you both.

I don't want our friendship to be affected in any way.
That's the only reason I've decided to be honest with you
I only hope you can be just as honest with me.
Friends have each others' backs.
We look lout for each other and the last thing we want is for the other person to get hurt.

You're right: if you love, you're bound to get hurt
And when you love someone, you want the other person to be happy no matter what.
This applies to all kinds of love: love between family members, friends, etc.
I know what will make you happy
If only I could guarantee it.
But I can't.
You have to cast your burdens on God.
Only He can carry you through
I can only follow his direction

School work plus class politics plus cca politics plus emotional stress
it's been tough on you and it's testing your faith
but you'll pull through
you just gotta trust God
that can be difficult
but we'll make it through together
i promised to be with you through and i will do my best to be there both spiritually and physically
but only God can be with you every step of the way
i know you find it so hard cos you've drifted
but it'll all be okay
trust God!

I believe You're my Healer