Well it's another week?
Haha, its beginning to be a routine.
I think the only thing that's keeping me afloat would be prayers and songs.
I've been getting frustrated very easily these days.
I need to rely on Him more than ever and I guess that's good.
I find solace in just reaching out to Him.
And it's only recently that I've come to realise how much my life has revolved around three words:
I. ME. MINE.
It's never seemed to go any further.
I just need that peace.
I need the comfort.
And I really need relief:
I want to do my best for Him.
And things keep getting in the way.
Sometimes I just don't understand.
It seems so easy to just say "I give everything to You"
But then you go back to worrying about it.
I wish that for those few things that keep holding me back would just disappear.
But they won't.
It's only when you've really reached the end and about to fall off that you really take that step of faith.
Or maybe that's just me?
I don't know.
All I know is that I gotta really find the time, make the time to seek Him.
And there's nothing I'd rather do.
On to other stuff.
I've been getting those feelings again.
And I want to continue having those feelings.
But once I do, I'd just throw myself into it.
And everything else gets about 10% of my attention.
And Joline requested I write something special for her.
That's a secret for now but I hope I can perform?
And and and, I'm getting tunes for songs.
I guess it's somewhat a breakthrough cos I used to write them and not know how I want it to sound.
Hahahahahahaha
Whoever heard of lyrics with no tune.
I'm pretty glad I guess.
Well everything that happens is by God's grace so yeap, I'm really grateful.
I just don't know how I can do what God has given me any justice.
Cos if you've heard me sing, you'd know I suck at it.
Worse still, I can barely play an instrument.
So I'm basically stuck?
Yeap.
So.
Haha yay, week's almost half-over.



I never really understood how it is that you guys saw things that I didn't exactly see.
I'm glad you guys saw and told and supported.
Another hurdle comes just after the previous one dissolved.
It's an experience.
And you know what?
I'm experiencing joy every step of the way: both ecstatic and bitter joy
But all the same, I'm loving how everything's turned out.
Wasn't sure at the beginning.
Now I'm more sure than I've ever been.

death could not hold you back :D

I know that feeling all too well
You feel that You're standing all alone
I realised that there was someone greater than me
He was, and still is, watching my back
Then I knew I wasn't alone
Soon, You'll know what I mean
It took me a while to understand
What being a child of God really meant
It'll take me a while to show
That I have what it takes to be a child of God


We are united by His blood as a body in Christ Jesus
That means we care for each other
That means we look out for each other
That means we encourage each other
That means we pray for each other
That means no one is left behind



A calling from the King up high
The calling no one can deny
I'm following that calling

I'm forever seeking
Cos You're deserving
And You're the everlasting

Can't help but be awed by Your love
Can't help but be lost in Your world
Nothing can stop my heart from longing for You
Nothing can stop my heart from seeking You
Nothing in this world could stand against You

More than any ruler
Your reign will never end
My eyes fixated on only You

I'm forever seeking
Cos You're deserving
And You're the everlasting

Can't help but be awed by Your love
Can't help but be lost in Your world
Nothing can stop my heart from longing for You
Nothing can stop my heart from seeking You
Nothing in this world could stand against You

It's no longer empty talk, Lord
I'm gonna run till I reach You
There's no barrier too great

I'm forever seeking
Cos You're deserving
And You're the everlasting

Can't help but be awed by Your love
Can't help but be lost in Your world
Nothing can stop my heart from longing for You
Nothing can stop my heart from seeking You
Nothing in this world could stand against You

And when I run into Your arms
I know I'm where I'm supposed to be
Oh Jesus, right here with You

I'm forever seeking
Cos You're deserving
And You're the everlasting

Can't help but be awed by Your love
Can't help but be lost in Your world
Nothing can stop my heart from longing for You
Nothing can stop my heart from seeking You
Nothing in this world could stand against You

Feedback at the tagboard, I appreciate it, thanks :)

down and up, up and down

the battle is fought because He is worth it
leave the door open even though it may hurt
for those who need His love
and we'll go all the way for Him

nothing matters more
and I will pray for you...

V1:
He came He sacrificed
Mercilessly crucified
Jesus You gave everything for me
Each day I'm living just on faith
And I can't help but shout my praise
To the King that reigns in me

Bridge:
Just wait for the day He comes again
He'll come and all obstacles will fall away

Chorus:
Down and up
He came down to show the way
Sacrificial love cleansed me again
Up and down
Resurrected and reigning in Heaven
And not just above
But here on earth
He lives in me

let me know what you think :)

perhaps its for the best

We can never stop taking things for granted.
Its only when you've lost something that you realise how important it is to you.
This is the second week of sitting out training.
As much as I wish I were able to swim, I am thinking about 3 things:
1. How I used to take my body for granted
2. How I've been taking GOD for granted
3. How I may have been misinterpreting His signs wrongly
Its scary to think that after all you've done, you were actually headed the wrong way.
Its even worse to think about it and realise that you're truly lost.
Not stranded or abandoned by GOD but that you can't see where to go.
I guess that for me, He's been throwing signs my way all the while.
All the injuries and the frustration were signs?
I have to thank all the people who gave me advice and tried to cheer me up, especially my cellgroup.
Special thanks to Peijun: Thanks for praying for me! You let me know that you'd be there for me no matter how busy you are. Love you so much and I'll keep praying for you too :)
To Szern, Belicia, Shuen and Bryan: Love you all for being there for me and giving advice, I really appreciate it :)
To Tessa, Amanda, Ivan, Sydney and Nicolette: Thanks for trying your best to cheer me up :)
Szern was telling me that if she was in my shoes now, she probably would've quit by now.
The thing is I always felt that this was GOD's challenge for me because during training, I had to rely on Him more.
Is this really the path He wants me to take?
Whatever it is, I know that now's the time that is really going to test my faith.
I was worrying about it for ages.
I should stop doing that because it just means I don't trust Him enough.
This is something I'm gonna have to pray about over the next week or so.
If its not what GOD wants, it's not what I want either.
It's that simple.
Something just occurred to me though: if I quit, where do I go?
See, one decision after another.
This is gonna take a lot of willpower and faith.
Change is gonna take place and sacrifices will have to be made.
But no sacrifice is greater than what GOD sacrificed for us.
If I have to let go, I will.
I realised that I'm holding on to a lot of things, both past and present.
It's really time to give everything to GOD and leave it all on the altar.
The present is easier to let go of than the past.
If your past keeps coming back to you, it's time to really pray about it.
The dreams came and they just might stay till I choose to really give everything to GOD.
Every struggle is supposed to bring you a step closer to GOD because midway through the struggle, you notice that you're relying on your own strength and you turn back and give it to GOD.
I'm just going to let everything go...

there's nothing more important

have you ever done an essay on linguistics?
if you haven't, don't try.
i think my brain is melting...
my neck kills...
the painkillers do not work.
i sense that its more than just a muscle ache.

we have all been empowered by GOD to choose what we want to do with our life.
we can choose to do things our way or His way.
its very important to make the right choice.
and its important not to give in to temptations.
sometimes, we think that GOD hasn't given us direction.
but sometimes, He has.
its just that we didn't observe.
we were too caught up with school, work, relationships, etc.
but if we make Him the centre of our lives, we'll gradually be able to hear Him better and interpret signs that come our way.
sermons can be so helpful at times. :)

i realise that each week, i miss my cellgroup more and more.
its not like i don't have good friends in school or anything.
in fact, i know some friends who are more christian-like than i am.
its just that perhaps, the chemistry is different.
the kind of chemistry that 10+ people share.
that's awesome :]
every saturday, i come with so many burdens but by the time i leave, i'm rejuvenated.
its like the people in school can't help relieve burdens and only this mini family of mine can.
i guess there really is a difference.
in school, there is a handful of people whom i can trust.
out of this handful, i only trust 2 people 75% and above.
and only one of these 2 that i trust 95%.
but i trust every single member of my cellgroup family members, 100%.
i look forward to the long holidays cos that's when we can spend more time together.
haha, every saturday just doesn't seem adequate :)
i can feel myself growing.
both vertically and spiritually.
when i'm with them, things are just different.
in school, i only feel that way when i'm with that one person whom i trust 95%.
maybe these things take time.
in the mean time, holidays rock! :]

GOD
give me strength
give me perseverance
give me some direction
give me a forgiving nature
give me self-control and discipline

redirecting...

YES THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE.
in between training, interjc and the holiday homework given, there technically isn't much of a break.
then again, must be thankful for the bit of time given at the right time :]
its important to take whatever time you have to adjust your focus.
sometimes, you're just so busy that you don't realise how far off you've drifted.
haha, yesterday's sermon impacted me but in a way that was totally unrelated to the sermon itself.
i dunno, just clicked somehow.
and i agree, we all have our own gifts.
its not having the gift that makes you special and unique but how you use what GOD has given you.

wow, i clearly remember what was said: are you a minister that brings people to GOD or away from GOD?
some christians don't behave like christians so non-christians get the wrong impression of what christians are supposed to behave.
some christians behave right but sometimes they allow things to get in the way of them ministering to others.
being a christian seems to get more complex each time right?
but if you apply what you learn each time into your life, gradually, it becomes part of you and you no longer have to remind yourself about it.
we are ministers that are empowered with our gifts to empower others and thereafter challenge them to use their own gifts to advance His purposes.
and the happiest people are the people with faith in Jesus Christ and who were living beyond themselves.
like how awesome is that? :]

i think training on friday was the hardest for me.
talk about breathless.
halfway through, i couldn't take it.
was cramping and having problems breathing.
it just was really really hard.
i was trembling and praying.
and everything was better.
i can't imagine life relying on my own strength.
i just wouldn't make it.

on saturday night, i was thinking about serving.
like how am i supposed to serve?
i just didn't see how GOD wanted me to serve.
i believe i have a purpose but i just don't see it.
ironically, my beloved cellgroup family seems to see it clearer than i do.
maybe it just takes time.
but i know what i love to do.
its the way i think GOD speaks to me.
but i don't know how i'm supposed to use it.
i'm trying to use my breaktimes in school to do what i love most.
hehe, if you're my cellgroup mate, you'd probably know what i'm referring to.
that's why this week of supposed holidays will be the start of my self-discovery lol.
i have a rough plan of what i'm going to do and hopefully, i can carry it through the week and perhaps integrate it into my life even when another crazy term starts.

GOD IS THE GUIDE.OF.OUR.DESTINY :]

I was falling
There was no stopping
Till I caught the Vine
I was searching
And aimlessly wandering
Till You gave purpose to life

It'll take more than breath to resuscitate
It'll take more than just me to pass through the gates

I know without You I'm breathless
I know without You I'm helpless
I know I need You more and more
Because You're all I'm living for

random thoughts

i'm really getting tanner :]
and i just realised that i haven't done the econs essay.
i've absolutely no idea how to do it frankly speaking...
oh well.
i still feel that there was something special about yesterday's service though i can't quite put my finger on it...
maybe everybody was stressed and all were just releasing all the cooped-up emotions?
i'm thankful that i'm not emotionally burnt out yet.
physically, probably :]
training on monday and friday
cross-country on wednesday
mass PE on tuesday and thursday
its a physical and mental challenge!
hmm, i realise that i'm becoming more comfortable with sharing.
i'm actually surprised with how much i shared yesterday
oh well, shows that i'm growing gradually :]
hmm, yesterday felt different without henson....
ah we'll all miss him :(
didn't get to send him off.
sad.
ok anyway, its been a fun week overall.
haha me and tessa are closer now... :))
i'm really happy about that!
haha we share a lot and talk a lot.
its important to have people to support you.
and pray for you.
it seems that everyday, prayer becomes more important.
your faith faces a test almost everyday.
those 4 questions asked during cellgroup made me feel thankful for what i have.
made me feel thankful for fellowship, especially with cellgroup
we always take people for granted, whether we realise it or not.
its only when you're prompted. do you realise how important certain people are in your life.
fellowship has made a difference in my life and the difference is coming through stronger each day.
GOD speaks in so many different ways, through so many different mediums that sometimes, we don't even realise it.
sometimes, you want to share but you feel you're not prepared.
like you haven't gone through the beginners course or something.
the truth is: once you've experienced GOD, you're ready to share about GOD.
all you need is to be connected to the vine to hear from the vine.



Only You could help/drain all the hatred away
Only You could help/bitter souls to love again
Only You could give/strength to my failing body
Only You could be/my number one priority

There's only one I'd believe in
There's only one I'd want to be with

He's the everlasting
The forever amazing
He's the King of Heaven and Earth

You're the only one I'd believe in
You're the only one I'd want to be with

I want to hear Your Voice
Telling me just what I should do
I want to be full of Your Spirit
I want to live just for You
I just want to be
Right here with You