whoo.
1. springcleaning
- this was not optional for me but oh well. uncovered so much stuff from ages ago, dug up old journals, etc. a few years is all that makes a difference man.
2. thefall
- jialat, why did i fall on saturday during icebreakers. shoot. must've landed on the lump lah.
3. family chalet
- if i'm going to go, i'll go because i want to, not to give anybody face. it's my choice, i won't compromise on church.
4. wireless mouse
- its fun to play with seriously. i've been fooling around with it. no, not bohliao, not suaku. just appreciating the technology that got me through OP.
5. korean persimmons
- didn't know that korea produces persimmons. crunchy. different from the normal kind that i eat. not that sweet either.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
You over me
VERSE:
Can I just say it won't happen again?
Then fall back to doing things my way
I know I waste Your second chance
PRE-CHORUS:
With every breath I take
And every move I make
Forever I'll be chasing You
CHORUS:
Caught in the war between dark and light
Storms of the heart that distort my sight
Still You are the Way, the Truth, the Life
In past and present and future times
When our two worlds collide
I choose You over me
Caught in the fight between faith and flesh
And Your world and mine begin to clash
Still You are the Way, the Truth, the Life
In past and present and future times
When our two worlds collide
I choose You over me
VERSE:
Is it enough just to ask for change?
When deep down I'm still the same
I know I have to make my choice
VERSE:
What if I just don't understand?
Struggling to leave it in Your hands
I'll wait on the beauty of Your plan
BRIDGE:
Not enough to say I love You
Love is showing I mean it too
Making my heart true to You
Life's not about me
It's about You
Can I just say it won't happen again?
Then fall back to doing things my way
I know I waste Your second chance
PRE-CHORUS:
With every breath I take
And every move I make
Forever I'll be chasing You
CHORUS:
Caught in the war between dark and light
Storms of the heart that distort my sight
Still You are the Way, the Truth, the Life
In past and present and future times
When our two worlds collide
I choose You over me
Caught in the fight between faith and flesh
And Your world and mine begin to clash
Still You are the Way, the Truth, the Life
In past and present and future times
When our two worlds collide
I choose You over me
VERSE:
Is it enough just to ask for change?
When deep down I'm still the same
I know I have to make my choice
VERSE:
What if I just don't understand?
Struggling to leave it in Your hands
I'll wait on the beauty of Your plan
BRIDGE:
Not enough to say I love You
Love is showing I mean it too
Making my heart true to You
Life's not about me
It's about You
Thursday, November 12, 2009
missingpuzzlepieces
the more i think about the things i wrote on the sun, the more i'm sure that in whatever we do, all we have to do is make a choice. to do or not to do. to be well or to not be well. from then on, it's best to stick with the right decision and trust God.
met shuen and luwei for dinner yesterday. there's a lot of topic-jumping but there's one topic we stayed on for a particularly long time. i guess i never really knew how much the past hurt. or maybe i just didn't notice cause at that point of time, i was still trying to get used to a new environment. well, at least they were honest how much it hurt. but will your way make them stop? beliefs change with God. you leave God to do the defending because you cannot defend on your own strength.
none of it scared me much, just got me thinking. that's not entirely a bad thing. it's good that you think about what you're believing in then you'll realize just how blessed you are to know the truth. it is not threatening that you being made to think because even in sermon, if all you ever did was absorb blindly, it's pretty much a waste of time. you need to think and process. and thereafter, clarify. these guys did the first 2 steps. they just didn't go to the third and jumped straight to the fourth, forming their own viewpoints on shaky ground. it's not the making you think that is intimidating but the thoughts they would put in your mind.
the more i thought about the whole situation, the more i realized that the thoughts these confused people have are not new to me. not new. meaning that i've thought about them before. i wonder if this is common, like does everybody have these thoughts from time to time? is it a phase that everyone goes through? i think the scariest thing is that i'm not over these thoughts yet. it dawned on me that i am not that strong in faith. maybe i just thought i was or came across that way. it's not very reassuring to realize that you're still on shaky ground.
through the conversation, i was thinking. but on my way back, the thoughts were just swimming around inside my head. i got that sick-to-the-stomach feeling, that sinking feeling when you know something's not right. the dumb thing is that it's not gone.
clarification: that's not to say they shouldn't have talked to me. they should've and i'm pretty glad they did or i might still not know that these thoughts were suppressed. they filled in some of the missing pieces here and there, though as it was pointed out, it's only 5%.
when you accept people, you accept their past as well. you don't treat them different. why would i use tinted lenses when the normal ones serve me better? i guess everyone has their past. the whole community has a past. and apparently it goes way deeper than i assumed. it was something that shook people. it still affects people even now, no point pretending it doesn't when it does. facades will shed in due time and the suppressed past will return. don't let the fear build, talk it out. pray about it. the greatest satisfaction they will have is not seeing your fear on the spot but seeing your fear build and corrode you from the inside. i had a long train ride home so i had all the time ever to think... i may not have all the pieces and i can't say i like having missing puzzle pieces but really, where is it my place to piece together the past? might as well spend time piecing the future.
i'll never understand the full 100%. that's for sure. because most of it is all emotions. you'll never understand unless you've felt it yourself. the feeling of something piercing is something that cannot be felt by an outsider. i can never fully comprehend that sort of pain. maybe i've experienced it before, just not in this sense.
when i heard the kind of questions that were supposed to 'make me think', 2 things:
1. how would i answer if it was thrown at me?
2. whoa, sounds like my ethics tutor.
the ethics tutor thing is random but i'm not new to these questions. i really wonder how i would answer though. this is prevention over cure. don't wait till it happens before working out your defense strategy, i learned that the hard way. i think people did the best they could, from the sound of it. they would probably have been hurting themselves but they helped pull others up.
now that i have time on my hands, i'm going to spend the time thinking, re-thinking. building the house all over again but this time, on solid rock. i have a feeling my challenge will come soon enough so i'll start now rather than be caught offguard.
we all affect each other. how someone dealt with it will affect another. not so much whether people have gotten over it or not because if someone hasn't gotten over it, it's something we work on together. just don't keep it on the inside. their greatest satisfaction will come from watching and knowing that inside the fear and doubt is rising and someone's just trying to suppress it but not overcoming it. their ultimate satisfaction will be derived when it all corrodes someone inside and someone cracks.
history is inevitable, unavoidable. but as one body in Christ, it is something that we can all overcome together, His blood unites us all, both the new and the old. show them that we're not intimidated. show them whatever their motive is, they are sorely sorely mistaken if they think they can turn us.
met shuen and luwei for dinner yesterday. there's a lot of topic-jumping but there's one topic we stayed on for a particularly long time. i guess i never really knew how much the past hurt. or maybe i just didn't notice cause at that point of time, i was still trying to get used to a new environment. well, at least they were honest how much it hurt. but will your way make them stop? beliefs change with God. you leave God to do the defending because you cannot defend on your own strength.
none of it scared me much, just got me thinking. that's not entirely a bad thing. it's good that you think about what you're believing in then you'll realize just how blessed you are to know the truth. it is not threatening that you being made to think because even in sermon, if all you ever did was absorb blindly, it's pretty much a waste of time. you need to think and process. and thereafter, clarify. these guys did the first 2 steps. they just didn't go to the third and jumped straight to the fourth, forming their own viewpoints on shaky ground. it's not the making you think that is intimidating but the thoughts they would put in your mind.
the more i thought about the whole situation, the more i realized that the thoughts these confused people have are not new to me. not new. meaning that i've thought about them before. i wonder if this is common, like does everybody have these thoughts from time to time? is it a phase that everyone goes through? i think the scariest thing is that i'm not over these thoughts yet. it dawned on me that i am not that strong in faith. maybe i just thought i was or came across that way. it's not very reassuring to realize that you're still on shaky ground.
through the conversation, i was thinking. but on my way back, the thoughts were just swimming around inside my head. i got that sick-to-the-stomach feeling, that sinking feeling when you know something's not right. the dumb thing is that it's not gone.
clarification: that's not to say they shouldn't have talked to me. they should've and i'm pretty glad they did or i might still not know that these thoughts were suppressed. they filled in some of the missing pieces here and there, though as it was pointed out, it's only 5%.
when you accept people, you accept their past as well. you don't treat them different. why would i use tinted lenses when the normal ones serve me better? i guess everyone has their past. the whole community has a past. and apparently it goes way deeper than i assumed. it was something that shook people. it still affects people even now, no point pretending it doesn't when it does. facades will shed in due time and the suppressed past will return. don't let the fear build, talk it out. pray about it. the greatest satisfaction they will have is not seeing your fear on the spot but seeing your fear build and corrode you from the inside. i had a long train ride home so i had all the time ever to think... i may not have all the pieces and i can't say i like having missing puzzle pieces but really, where is it my place to piece together the past? might as well spend time piecing the future.
i'll never understand the full 100%. that's for sure. because most of it is all emotions. you'll never understand unless you've felt it yourself. the feeling of something piercing is something that cannot be felt by an outsider. i can never fully comprehend that sort of pain. maybe i've experienced it before, just not in this sense.
when i heard the kind of questions that were supposed to 'make me think', 2 things:
1. how would i answer if it was thrown at me?
2. whoa, sounds like my ethics tutor.
the ethics tutor thing is random but i'm not new to these questions. i really wonder how i would answer though. this is prevention over cure. don't wait till it happens before working out your defense strategy, i learned that the hard way. i think people did the best they could, from the sound of it. they would probably have been hurting themselves but they helped pull others up.
now that i have time on my hands, i'm going to spend the time thinking, re-thinking. building the house all over again but this time, on solid rock. i have a feeling my challenge will come soon enough so i'll start now rather than be caught offguard.
we all affect each other. how someone dealt with it will affect another. not so much whether people have gotten over it or not because if someone hasn't gotten over it, it's something we work on together. just don't keep it on the inside. their greatest satisfaction will come from watching and knowing that inside the fear and doubt is rising and someone's just trying to suppress it but not overcoming it. their ultimate satisfaction will be derived when it all corrodes someone inside and someone cracks.
history is inevitable, unavoidable. but as one body in Christ, it is something that we can all overcome together, His blood unites us all, both the new and the old. show them that we're not intimidated. show them whatever their motive is, they are sorely sorely mistaken if they think they can turn us.
Monday, November 9, 2009
randoms
i have too many random thoughts i just gotta put down!
1. PW IS OFFICIALLY OVER. no more late/sleepless nights trying to get something together. no more having to deal with hopeless excuses. no more having to type and type and hope that what i'm producing makes sense. no more drafts. YESSS. but this journey in the desert world of project work didn't go un-blessed. in fact, i think i'm incredibly blessed, just that now, it's a load off my mind and i can do stuff i've been putting off for so long. i'm blessed because all i went through, the sleepless nights and hours in front of the computer paid off. i'm blessed because the whole experience taught me to stand on my own feet. i learned to count on God instead of my strength. i can look back and say i did the best i could, at the end of the day, that's what really counts.
2. i now get to do stuff i wanna do! not so much of hanging out but more of getting back to things i've put aside for some time in view of promos and chinese and pw. more of doing things that mean alot to me, so that at least i can say i made this year count. to set the record straight, i maintain that this year has been awesome. no matter what has happened. it will always be memorable and special in its own way. for sure, i'll remember this year. i've had my fair share of mess-ups and falls but i guess if there's one thing i've learnt is that nothing should hold me back from having that intimate relationship with God, that it's something i cannot compromise for anything else in the world (:
3. i have an awesome 13 person family (: you girls and guys are awesome, like seriously. i'm really blessed and i think God has shown me that more and more over the months! it's a privilege i have to grow with an amazing group of people and it's just so great to have you all in my life (:
4. the past is past, the present is passing. what matters is the future that has yet to pass and i know that any challenge that comes our way will crumble cause we have the greatest of the greatest standing for us. friends, whoever mocks and scorns and tries to tear us down, we'll stand firm. they can TRY but they'll never make it!
[2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ
they may be the best at what they do: thrashing our belief. we are from the opposing camp. doesn't matter what they can do because just by being at the other end, we will win cause God is with us (: ]
5. vanessa's coming to church!! i'm so proud of her (: she told me twice today that she wanted to pray to God. imagine my momentary speechlessness. i'm really glad for her, we seem to have talked about this for ages (months actually)! this is His plan coming into action! i wanted to give up because it's been long. as you can tell, i'm not one with much patience though i know that it'll pay off. but i'm so glad i waited! this makes it worth the wait! when this happened, i thought of all the times God called me but i refused to respond. i thought about how long He waited. you could say it was 16 years and 10 months! that's how great and patient He is, how much He loves His children. you know, i wouldn't have blamed Him for giving me nothing when i decided to come back. i know i deserve none of what i have now. i think of the prodigal son, and how his father ran to him and treated him better than before. every time i think of the prodigal son, i think that that's me, in a sense maybe worse. this guy grew up loved and had everything he could ever want. i grew up exposed to His love, in a church-going family, i've gone to sunday school ever since i can remember. that guy decided to turn. i decided i'd had enough of church. he got himself in trouble. i became somebody i wasn't. that guy finally realized he was wrong and went back, willing to be a servant and his father accepted him and gave him all he needed. i went back to the church i'd grown up in. but i didn't stay, i turned again. that's like that guy leaving twice. when i eventually went to the place i am now, i couldn't believe how foreign i felt at first. i'd grown up going to church and suddenly, i'm foreign to it. i never really realized why i'd felt foreign. all i wanted was to be able to feel Him and i did. but of course, God gave me the answer to my unasked question.
CHURCH IS NOT A PLACE, BUILDING OR STRUCTURE. A CHURCH CANNOT BE DEAD AND NOT HAVE HIS BREATH IN IT. CHURCH IS A COMMUNITY, LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE. CHURCH CULTURE BECOMES YOUR CULTURE. CHURCH LIFESTYLE BECOMES YOUR LIFESTYLE. CHURCH IS NEITHER A RESPONSIBILITY NOR A BURDEN. CHURCH IS PART OF YOUR IDENTITY.
alright, that's all! moremoremore some other time (:
1. PW IS OFFICIALLY OVER. no more late/sleepless nights trying to get something together. no more having to deal with hopeless excuses. no more having to type and type and hope that what i'm producing makes sense. no more drafts. YESSS. but this journey in the desert world of project work didn't go un-blessed. in fact, i think i'm incredibly blessed, just that now, it's a load off my mind and i can do stuff i've been putting off for so long. i'm blessed because all i went through, the sleepless nights and hours in front of the computer paid off. i'm blessed because the whole experience taught me to stand on my own feet. i learned to count on God instead of my strength. i can look back and say i did the best i could, at the end of the day, that's what really counts.
2. i now get to do stuff i wanna do! not so much of hanging out but more of getting back to things i've put aside for some time in view of promos and chinese and pw. more of doing things that mean alot to me, so that at least i can say i made this year count. to set the record straight, i maintain that this year has been awesome. no matter what has happened. it will always be memorable and special in its own way. for sure, i'll remember this year. i've had my fair share of mess-ups and falls but i guess if there's one thing i've learnt is that nothing should hold me back from having that intimate relationship with God, that it's something i cannot compromise for anything else in the world (:
3. i have an awesome 13 person family (: you girls and guys are awesome, like seriously. i'm really blessed and i think God has shown me that more and more over the months! it's a privilege i have to grow with an amazing group of people and it's just so great to have you all in my life (:
4. the past is past, the present is passing. what matters is the future that has yet to pass and i know that any challenge that comes our way will crumble cause we have the greatest of the greatest standing for us. friends, whoever mocks and scorns and tries to tear us down, we'll stand firm. they can TRY but they'll never make it!
[2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ
they may be the best at what they do: thrashing our belief. we are from the opposing camp. doesn't matter what they can do because just by being at the other end, we will win cause God is with us (: ]
5. vanessa's coming to church!! i'm so proud of her (: she told me twice today that she wanted to pray to God. imagine my momentary speechlessness. i'm really glad for her, we seem to have talked about this for ages (months actually)! this is His plan coming into action! i wanted to give up because it's been long. as you can tell, i'm not one with much patience though i know that it'll pay off. but i'm so glad i waited! this makes it worth the wait! when this happened, i thought of all the times God called me but i refused to respond. i thought about how long He waited. you could say it was 16 years and 10 months! that's how great and patient He is, how much He loves His children. you know, i wouldn't have blamed Him for giving me nothing when i decided to come back. i know i deserve none of what i have now. i think of the prodigal son, and how his father ran to him and treated him better than before. every time i think of the prodigal son, i think that that's me, in a sense maybe worse. this guy grew up loved and had everything he could ever want. i grew up exposed to His love, in a church-going family, i've gone to sunday school ever since i can remember. that guy decided to turn. i decided i'd had enough of church. he got himself in trouble. i became somebody i wasn't. that guy finally realized he was wrong and went back, willing to be a servant and his father accepted him and gave him all he needed. i went back to the church i'd grown up in. but i didn't stay, i turned again. that's like that guy leaving twice. when i eventually went to the place i am now, i couldn't believe how foreign i felt at first. i'd grown up going to church and suddenly, i'm foreign to it. i never really realized why i'd felt foreign. all i wanted was to be able to feel Him and i did. but of course, God gave me the answer to my unasked question.
CHURCH IS NOT A PLACE, BUILDING OR STRUCTURE. A CHURCH CANNOT BE DEAD AND NOT HAVE HIS BREATH IN IT. CHURCH IS A COMMUNITY, LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE. CHURCH CULTURE BECOMES YOUR CULTURE. CHURCH LIFESTYLE BECOMES YOUR LIFESTYLE. CHURCH IS NEITHER A RESPONSIBILITY NOR A BURDEN. CHURCH IS PART OF YOUR IDENTITY.
alright, that's all! moremoremore some other time (:
Friday, November 6, 2009
Completely by Ana Laura
the secret of life is letting go
the secret of love is letting it show
in all that i do, in all that i say
right here in this moment
the power of prayer
is in a humble cry
the power of change
is in giving my life
and laying down
down at Your feet
right here in this moment
take my heart, take my soul
i surrender everything to Your control
and let all that is within lift up to You and say
i am Yours and Yours alone, completely
this journey of life is a search for truth
this journey of faith is following You
every step of the way through the joy and the pain
right here in this moment
what's change?
is it just talking?
is it just showing?
is it just understanding?
it comprises of all of the above.
change requires you to give your life.
just how many of us are willing to give that.
some say the changes we want to make are too drastic.
they're radical, they're crazy, they're ridiculous, they're not worth it.
we cannot compromise our standards in any way because these are His standards for us.
frankly, i would rather change inside out, completely, than delude myself into thinking that i'm changing.
the secret of love is letting it show
in all that i do, in all that i say
right here in this moment
the power of prayer
is in a humble cry
the power of change
is in giving my life
and laying down
down at Your feet
right here in this moment
take my heart, take my soul
i surrender everything to Your control
and let all that is within lift up to You and say
i am Yours and Yours alone, completely
this journey of life is a search for truth
this journey of faith is following You
every step of the way through the joy and the pain
right here in this moment
what's change?
is it just talking?
is it just showing?
is it just understanding?
it comprises of all of the above.
change requires you to give your life.
just how many of us are willing to give that.
some say the changes we want to make are too drastic.
they're radical, they're crazy, they're ridiculous, they're not worth it.
we cannot compromise our standards in any way because these are His standards for us.
frankly, i would rather change inside out, completely, than delude myself into thinking that i'm changing.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Nissi G.A.P. 2009
wahahaha
i remember that as a kid, i used to wanna learn how to make videos and stuff like that.
so yesterday, i decided to relive my childhood dream hahaha
by using windows movie maker :P
quite fun, i've been playing around with it for 2 days and i love it (:
first attempt is less professional though but good experience!
please adjust the volume, it's a loud song!
enjoy (:
Nissi G.A.P. 2009
Song Credits: Counting Crows (Accidentally In Love)
i remember that as a kid, i used to wanna learn how to make videos and stuff like that.
so yesterday, i decided to relive my childhood dream hahaha
by using windows movie maker :P
quite fun, i've been playing around with it for 2 days and i love it (:
first attempt is less professional though but good experience!
please adjust the volume, it's a loud song!
enjoy (:
Nissi G.A.P. 2009
Song Credits: Counting Crows (Accidentally In Love)
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